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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyb, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant

The tables compare how New York Metro’s
overall
Linking Words
 population and the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 living in
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 versus
four
Use synonyms
 other
districts
Use synonyms
 evolved from 1800 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, New York’s inhabitants experienced a significant increase throughout the two centuries,
although
Linking Words
 growth was unevenly distributed across the
districts
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 dominated the early years, the population expansion switched toward
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
four
Use synonyms
districts
Use synonyms
 by the end of the period.
According to
Linking Words
 the first table, it can be observed that New York was inhabited by 79 thousand
people
Use synonyms
 in 1800,
then
Linking Words
 considerable growth made the total population recorded at 3.4 million in the upcoming century, after which
grew
Correct pronoun usage
it grew
show examples
 almost threefold
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 was the crowded district with one out of
four
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 living there
initially
Linking Words
, but
then
Linking Words
 dropped steeply by a margin of 57% across two centuries, making
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 the least populous sub-region in the final year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the expansion rose considerably in
four
Use synonyms
 other
districts
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 consist of Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island. In 1800, they had a fourth of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 city’s distribution. Apparently, their residents
went up
Verb problem
apply
show examples
double
Replace the word
doubled
show examples
 in 1800, representing an equal distribution between
5
Correct article usage
the 5
show examples
districts
Use synonyms
 in that period. These
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 surpassed
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 figures in 2000,
people
Use synonyms
 residing there jumped to 81%,
switching
Verb problem
making
show examples
 them
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
dense
Use the right word
densest
show examples
 area by the end.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, manhattan, four, districts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population
  • total
  • increase
  • rise
  • grow
  • growth
  • large
  • small
  • highest
  • lowest
  • more
  • less
  • than
  • between
  • in
  • over
  • period
  • time
  • year
  • district
  • Manhattan
  • Brooklyn
  • Bronx
  • Queens
  • Staten Island
  • data
  • trend
  • pattern
  • compare
  • contrast
  • different
  • same
  • however
  • although
  • while
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