IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

“Urbanisation has brought both opportunities and challenges to modern societies. Discuss the social problems associated with rapid urban growth and suggest possible solutions.”

It is argued by some that cities can bring both opportunities and challenges to communities.
While
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 the rapid
growth
Use synonyms
 of
urbanisation
Use synonyms
 is a significant concern,
this
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 essay will discuss the possible measures to address the cause. One major problem is the lack of infrastructure in urban
growth
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. The reason is that the infrastructure keeps pace with the rapidly growing cities.
As a result
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, it leads to overcrowding and traffic congestion.
In addition
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, the slums, which are inadequate living conditions, these
areas
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 are lack basic services
such
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 as clean water and electricity.
Consequently
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, the population can cause health issues, poor hygiene, and an unsafe living environment. Another challenge is that
urbanisation
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 may affect environmental degradation , which can lead to deforestation and loss of biodiversity.
Moreover
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, the
growth
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 of industries and vehicles can affect the air and water pollution.
Subsequently
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, the people will have a severe health impact.
Furthermore
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,
urbanisation
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 has led the social inequality among the population. Some people benefit from economic opportunities
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while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 others who have low income may be left behind.
This
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 creates the gap between the rich and the poor in urban settings.
Therefore
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, the
wealthier
Replace the word
wealthy
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 may have better services than the poor. There are three possible solutions to the problem of
urbanisation
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. One way to tackle
this
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 is to create sustainable urban development practices by the government and city planners.
This
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 includes smart infrastructure management
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as efficient public transportation systems and water management. The second measure to address cities is to prioritise the preservation of green
areas
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 and mitigate environmental impact. As an example, green parks and natural
areas
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 reduce the pollution of air and
reduce
Verb problem
apply
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carbon emissions. The third suggestion is to provide necessary education, health care, and job training for low-income communities to address the social inequality. In conclusion, regardless of the reasons for growing urban
areas
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, having sustainable development systems, environmentally friendly space preservation, and implementing the needs of low-income people can be effective in challenges of rapid urban
growth
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.

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structure
Make a clear plan in the intro. Paraphrase the task and state the two main parts: problems and solutions.
coherence
Use a topic sentence for each paragraph and keep one main idea in it.
grammar
Fix grammar and use right word form. Watch plural and verb forms (for example, 'the infrastructure keeps pace' should be 'keeps pace with'), and fix run-on parts.
examples
Add one or two specific examples or data to back up the points, even simple facts from a city you know.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas fit: cause and effect, order, and compare (for example, 'therefore', 'as a result', 'in addition').
content
The essay tries to show both problems and ways to solve them.
structure
Clear paragraphing and some linking words help flow.
content
It covers both environment and social ideas, which shows range.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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