IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think it is beneficial to host major sports tournaments such as the Olympic Games or the FIFA World Cup, while others believe there are more drawbacks. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The world of sports has been highly
commercialized
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commercialised
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 in recent decades, and hosting a major
event
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Fix capitalization
Such
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 as
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
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 Games,
for instance
Linking Words
, is an indication of prestige. Because of
this
Linking Words
, some individuals believe
organizing
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organising
show examples
such
Linking Words
 competitions is advantageous for the
host
Use synonyms
 state, but there are millions who oppose
this
Linking Words
 view by pointing out the negative components of
such
Linking Words
 competitions. Quite often, those disadvantages are related to issues concerning the environment, human rights or the inner situation in a
host
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country
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. History shows that there are numerous examples of when major sporting events can help a
country
Use synonyms
 in many ways. The noise surrounding the contest often helps to increase the recognition of the
host
Use synonyms
 state
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and turns the world’s attention to
this
Linking Words
 place for around 30 days.
Qatar
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, has been gaining a lot of attention recently because of the upcoming FIFA 2022 World Cup.
This
Linking Words
 competition singlehandedly gave
Qatar
Use synonyms
 a chance to introduce itself on the global stage. By hosting
this
Linking Words
event
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,
this
Linking Words
country
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 can
also
Linking Words
 generate huge profits through ticket sales and TV deals. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, it is arguably beneficial to be a
host
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 for
such
Linking Words
 a huge sports
event
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a lot of controversy around each major sporting
event
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 many people believe important issues are being ignored in favour of entertainment that lasts for a month. Environmental concerns are definitely the ones that attract the most press attention.
That is
Linking Words
 because
new
Correct article usage
the new
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 infrastructure
that is
Linking Words
 built to
host
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 an
event
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 encourages
urbanization
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urbanisation
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 and deforestation. Other than
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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, human rights violations have been a hot topic recently, with
many
Fix capitalization
Many
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 outlets
claiming
Verb problem
are claiming
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 that thousands of workers died building stadiums in
Qatar
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. Other than
Qatar
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, Brazil, a
country
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 that hosted both
2014
Correct article usage
the 2014
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 World Cup and
2016
Correct article usage
the 2016
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 Olympic Games, can be used as an example of a state where billions of dollars were invested by the government in the
event
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, but not in eradicating poverty. In conclusion, in my view, gigantic sports events must be seen as
a
Correct article usage
the
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 norm, but only when hosted by a
country
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 that has an advanced economy, a sustainable plan for the
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
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 of the
event
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, and no negative records in terms of human rights.
That is
Linking Words
 when
such
Linking Words
 events will not gain notoriety.

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structure
Add a clear thesis in the intro and a stronger restatement of your view in the conclusion.
coherence
Balance both sides and give a clear link from one idea to the next.
content
Add more exact facts or data to back your claims.
language
Check spelling and grammar and use shorter, simple sentences.
content
You discuss both sides and give your own view.
content
There are real examples from events like the World Cup to back points.
structure
The conclusion states your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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