IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is beneficial for both employers and employees if employees are given longer holidays away from work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In
this
Linking Words
 Contemporary era, to meet
up
Change preposition
apply
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the daily
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
Punctuation problem
, man's
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man's
Check wording
men
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 are spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on
work
Use synonyms
. Some dissenting voices
claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 should provide longer
holidays
Use synonyms
 to the employees
Punctuation problem
, by
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by
Change preposition
as
show examples
 doing so
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be beneficial for both.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I totally agree with the opinion,
due to
Linking Words
increasing
Replace the word
the increase
show examples
 in
the productivity and
Correct word order
productivity and the
show examples
 balancing
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 among
workers
Use synonyms
, supporting longer
holidays
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 can be
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 appropriate choice.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Use synonyms
Company
Correct article usage
the Company
show examples
 should provide flexibility on
holidays
Use synonyms
 . By doing so, it
endorse
Correct subject-verb agreement
endorses
show examples
 the value and integrity among
workers
Use synonyms
. In return, there will be better employee retention, which can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 to cut the additional cost for hiring
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 workforce.
For example
Linking Words
, TCS allows parental leave and longer
holidays
Use synonyms
 to the worker
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 served for more than 5 years in the organisation.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, employees
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
 energetic and
refresh
Replace the word
refreshed
show examples
, which can increase their productivity and eventually
reflects
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflect
show examples
 in their
work
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, benefiting the
company
Use synonyms
 to scale up
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 annual growth.
Moreover
Linking Words
, longer
holidays
Use synonyms
aids
Correct subject-verb agreement
aid
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 the worker to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with the family.
This
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
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not only
maintain
Correct subject-verb agreement
maintains
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Use the right word
work-life
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life
Use synonyms
 balance but
also
Linking Words
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
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strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 bond among loved ones. It is seen in
pratical
Correct your spelling
practice
 that the couple who spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 together
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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better
Correct article usage
a better
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 and stronger relationship
among
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other. The reason is, to maintain any relationship
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is crucial to invest
time
Use synonyms
 and energy into it. Without that, the bond between them starts to perish.
Besides
Linking Words
, people are working hard to save money for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement so that they can enjoy the rest of their lives with their family or loved ones.
Therefore
Linking Words
, allowing longer
holidays
Use synonyms
 can be a
merit
Check wording
benefit
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 for
workers
Use synonyms
 in order to bring harmony
in
Change preposition
to
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 their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, if
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 are given longer
vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
show examples
 away from
jobs
Correct pronoun usage
their jobs
show examples
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is beneficial for both
Institution
Correct article usage
the Institution
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
workers
Correct article usage
the workers
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the claim against it is
conspicouous
Correct your spelling
conspicuous
 because
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 need to incur heavy
loss
Fix the agreement mistake
losses
show examples
due to
Linking Words
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of
manforce
Correct your spelling
manpower
, and employees
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 their track to stay consistent in their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, I stand firm by my opinion because
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 longer
holidays
Use synonyms
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
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 compassion and empathy among
empolyee
Correct your spelling
employees
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 eventually
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 their productivity and creates equilibrium
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
work
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Correct word choice
and life
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is crucial to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 strong bonds with family.

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strength
The writer takes a clear view and uses reasons to support it. The idea of longer holidays is shown and connected to work life and buy-in from workers.
weakness
There are many grammar and spelling mistakes that make reading hard. Shorter sentences and careful editing will help a lot.
improvement
Paragraphs should start with clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and end with a clear point.
idea
Clear stance on the issue and direct answer to the question.
evidence
Use of examples to back up points (such as company practices).
organization
Use of linking words to move between ideas and paragraphs.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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