IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The aging population is good for business, the economy, and society. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of population accounted to be
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is dominated by
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
those age
show examples
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50 and above. Some might say that
this
Linking Words
 huge number of elderly
brings
Check wording
people brings
show examples
 great benefits to
Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
, the economy, and
society
Use synonyms
 of a city. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 creates more advantages than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drawbacks.
Aging
Verb problem
The ageing
show examples
 population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 rising as the
age
Use synonyms
 limitations of
productive
Correct article usage
the productive
show examples
age
Use synonyms
being
Verb problem
are being
show examples
 expanded. By having multiple
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
elderly
in
Check wording
people in
show examples
 a
business
Use synonyms
,
Correct pronoun usage
it create
show examples
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
such
Linking Words
 benefits
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, their
experience
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 precious. A company should not
experience
Use synonyms
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 by recruiting an expert who usually
originated
Wrong verb form
originates
show examples
 from an
Use synonyms
experience
Replace the word
experienced
show examples
 professional. Years of
experience
Use synonyms
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
show examples
, great amount of
knowldedge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and skills being mastered by a professional. By sharing knowledge and skills
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a new generation,
can
Correct pronoun usage
we can
show examples
 deliver a better
skillfull
Correct your spelling
skilled
 employee who can contribute positively to the economy and community.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in my observation, boomers tend to
more
Verb problem
be more
show examples
 resilient than recent generations. It can be shown from numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
boomers mostly placed at
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 position in a company or
business
Use synonyms
. By having more resilient workers, a
business
Use synonyms
 can run more smoothly with minimal
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
changes from the employee
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 the working culture.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 either directly or indirectly
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personal matters,
such
Linking Words
 as
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 a role model for
society
Use synonyms
 in reflecting
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 level of position as a resilient
professionals
Fix the agreement mistake
professional
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, having more elderly
in
Check wording
people in
show examples
 running a
business
Use synonyms
 or in a
society
Use synonyms
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
show examples
 some challenges.
For instance
Linking Words
, when people get older, stamina and health
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become a problem which can lead
in reducing
Change preposition
to reduced
show examples
 productivity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, multiple
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
boomers are
resistent
Correct your spelling
resistant
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 adapting
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
recent
Correct article usage
the recent
show examples
 working culture, as in
this
Linking Words
 digital era, hybrid working is a common working method
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
nonetheless
Add a comma
nonetheless,
show examples
 seniors are more likely to work in
face-to-face
Correct article usage
a face-to-face
show examples
.
Check wording
environment.
show examples
 They prefer not to change working habits and follow technology trends. In conclusion, though high levels of aged population have disadvantages in our
society
Use synonyms
,
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
, knowledge, skills and personality have more benefits to
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
is continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
 the generation, that plenty of good
reference
Fix the agreement mistake
references
show examples
 that young
Use synonyms
age
Check wording
people
show examples
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 adapt in
todays
Check wording
today's
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan before you write. Put one idea in each paragraph. Say your view in the intro and restate in the end.
coherence
Use clear links to join ideas. Use words like also, but, however, so.
examples
Give one real example for each point to show why you think this way.
grammar
Keep your grammar simple. Short sentences help. Check for small mistakes.
vocabulary
Use simple words. Do not use hard words from long list. Use elderly or older people.
content
Clear view on the topic and own opinion.
content
Some good ideas and effort to explain.
structure
Use of 'However' and 'In conclusion' shows balance.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: