IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The flow chart illustrates the consequence of deforestation. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The flow chart illustrates the consequence of deforestation. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
The flow chart provides information about the negative effects of deforestation.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 deforestation leads to
series
Correct article usage
a series
show examples
 of negative
enviornmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 events,
such
Linking Words
 as flooding and less biodiversity.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it all starts with
clear cutting
Use the right word
clear-cutting
show examples
 of forests, which leads to heavy logging equipment compressing the
soil
Use synonyms
 and an increased risk of burning.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
compression
Punctuation problem
compression,
show examples
 the
soil
Use synonyms
 becomes hard,
rain water
Use the right word
rainwater
show examples
 runs off, and flooding is caused.
Secondly
Linking Words
, since the risk of burning is increased, waste wood from logging is destroyed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
micro-organisms
Use the right word
microorganisms
show examples
 feed on
waste
Correct article usage
the waste
show examples
 lost.
Moreover
Linking Words
, pioneer species move in, vegetation is degraded,
respectivelly
Correct your spelling
respectively
 biodiversity is negatively impacted.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other consequences of
clear cutting
Use the right word
clear-cutting
show examples
 of forests are plants returning less
mositure
Correct your spelling
moisture
 to
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
, and fewer roots hold the top
soil
Use synonyms
 in. The
top
Use the right word
topsoil
show examples
soil
Use synonyms
 eventually erodes
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the absence of roots, and it is one of the reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pioneer species
moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 in and
degrading
Replace the word
degrade
show examples
 vegetation. Another reason for
that is
Linking Words
 plants returning less moisture to
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
, causing less precipitation and increasing drought.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words soil with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • flow chart
  • consequence
  • deforestation
  • process
  • cutting down
  • loss
  • forest cover
  • wildlife habitat
  • disruption
  • ecosystems
  • soil erosion
  • water quality
  • release
  • carbon dioxide
  • atmosphere
  • contribute
  • global warming
  • climate change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: