IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel into work very day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment. What measures do yout think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long distances into work?

The rapid advancement of science and technology has created numerous employment opportunities across the globe.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, many individuals are migrating from villages to cities in order to pursue their career growth.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, metropolitan areas are getting crowded with public leading to traffic congestion and polluting the environment. Several measures have been jointly put in action
both by
Correct word order
by both
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and corporate
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
in controlling
Change preposition
to control
show examples
 the commute
time
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
for reaching
Change preposition
to reach
show examples
 their
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
show examples
 The hybrid work from home policy has enabled individuals to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work from home and provided the flexibility of office presence on
required
Correct article usage
a required
show examples
 basis.
This
Linking Words
 has gradually reduced the travel
time
Use synonyms
 of workers on certain days
allowing
Punctuation problem
, allowing
show examples
 them to manage
work
Correct pronoun usage
their work
show examples
 schedule effectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these workplace reforms have improved the productivity and
overall
Linking Words
wellbeing
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
 of the
employees
Use synonyms
. Adopting the hybrid approach reduces traffic congestion in cities, limiting carbon combustion in turn protecting the environment.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they save maintenance costs in terms of infrastructure
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and electricity global warming. Many multinational companies provide quarters for
employees
Use synonyms
 to stay close to their workplace. These
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 actively encourage community-based living by providing the essential amenities.
As a result
Linking Words
, people have all services
such
Linking Words
 as accommodation, education and
hospital
Punctuation problem
hospital,
show examples
eliminate
Wrong verb form
eliminating
show examples
 the complete commute
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, they pose significant drawbacks in terms of
individual's
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
 preferences towards facilities and impacting their living conditions. In conclusion, new initiatives must be launched and implemented by both private and government firms to ensure
employees
Use synonyms
 engage in limited travelling
time
Use synonyms
. All these measures produce long-term results for improving the quality of daily life and act as
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 shield for saving nature

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Structure
Plan a one clear answer at the start and end with a short sum.
Coherence
Use simple links to join ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'then', 'but', 'as a result'.
Content
Give one or two clear examples to back each idea.
Grammar
Fix long sentences and check grammar for small mistakes.
Content
The essay shows many ideas to cut travel time and some clear result.
Structure
There is a clear intro and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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