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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.

The pie charts compare the proportions of
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation in
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
France
Use synonyms
 in 2009, illustrating
overall
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the composition of renewable
power
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 generated a larger share of its
electricity
Use synonyms
 from conventional thermal
sources
Use synonyms
 than
France
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
France
Use synonyms
 relied far more heavily on nuclear
power
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Germany
Use synonyms
’s renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 was derived from a wider variety of
sources
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
France
Use synonyms
 depended predominantly on hydro
power
Use synonyms
. In
Germany
Use synonyms
, the largest proportion of
electricity
Use synonyms
 was produced from conventional thermal
power
Use synonyms
, accounting for 59.6%. Nuclear
energy
Use synonyms
 contributed 23%,
while
Linking Words
 renewables made up a notable 17.4% of total production.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
France
Use synonyms
 depended primarily on nuclear
power
Use synonyms
, which represented a striking 76% of its
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation. Conventional thermal
sources
Use synonyms
 accounted for only 10.3%, and renewables comprised 13.7%, a smaller share than in
Germany
Use synonyms
.
Germany
Use synonyms
’s renewable mix was relatively diverse. Biomass alone accounted for approximately 6.8% of
Germany
Use synonyms
’s total
electricity
Use synonyms
 production, which is roughly half of
France
Use synonyms
’s entire renewable share.
In contrast
Linking Words
, non-hydroelectric renewables in
France
Use synonyms
 collectively contributed less than 3% of total
electricity
Use synonyms
, underscoring the country’s heavy reliance on hydro
power
Use synonyms
, which constituted 80.5% of its total renewable resources. The complete absence of geothermal
energy
Use synonyms
 (0%) in both countries suggests a shared reliance on more renewable options
such
Linking Words
 as hydro, wind, and biomass.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, germany, france, energy, sources, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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