The workplace nowadays is trying to employ the equal number of females and males. Do you think it is a positive or negative trend

More and more people think that

employ

Wrong verb form

employing

show examples

males

Use synonyms

is considered to be more advantageous than

employ

Wrong verb form

employing

show examples

females. In my opinion, I completely disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

I believe that mploying

males

Use synonyms

employing

males

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

much more important for two reasons. First of all, I believe that men's physique

Verb problem

is strong

show examples

strong

Replace the word

stronger

show examples

than

Use synonyms

women

Check wording

women's

show examples

and they can

handel

Correct your spelling

handle

a lot of

thing

Fix the agreement mistake

things

show examples

. In fact,

man

Use synonyms

can work under

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

pressure.

Although

Linking Words

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

man

Use synonyms

work

Correct subject-verb agreement

works

show examples

under

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

pressure

Punctuation problem

pressure,

show examples

they

achive

Correct your spelling

achieve

the goal

at the end

Linking Words

. A study published by New York University in 2013 concluded that 90% of people who work under

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

pressure are

Use synonyms

Fix the agreement mistake

men

show examples

man

Punctuation problem

man,

show examples

regardless

what

Change preposition

of what

show examples

the job is.

Therefore

Linking Words

hirie

Correct your spelling

here

males

Use synonyms

can

achive

Correct your spelling

achieve

goals

In addition

Linking Words

, the second reason is

about

Change preposition

that

show examples

the

women

Use synonyms

's physique is important to consider

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

. What I mean, the

Use synonyms

women

Fix the agreement mistake

woman's

show examples

body is different

she

Rephrase

when she

show examples

get

Correct subject-verb agreement

gets

show examples

pregnant and

also

Linking Words

the

women

Use synonyms

need to be close to the child.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, once she

get

Correct subject-verb agreement

gets

show examples

pregnant

Punctuation problem

pregnant,

show examples

she

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

show examples

at least 5

month

Fix the agreement mistake

months

show examples

holidy

Correct your spelling

holiday

to take care

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

child and her

helth

Correct your spelling

health

For example

Linking Words

Fix capitalization

show examples

now

Use the right word

know

show examples

one of my

reliations

Correct your spelling

relations

once she

pregnant

Verb problem

was pregnant

show examples

, she

get

Wrong verb form

got

show examples

sick

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

her company

give

Wrong verb form

gave

show examples

her 5

month

Correct your spelling

5-month

holidy

Correct your spelling

holiday

to recover

her self

Use the right word

herself

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

, the

weomen

Correct your spelling

women

need more

holidy

Correct your spelling

holiday

than

Use synonyms

man

Fix the agreement mistake

men

show examples

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

that will

leak

Verb problem

hinder

show examples

the company

for

Change preposition

from

show examples

achiveing

Correct your spelling

achieving

the goal. In conclusion, I believe that

males

Use synonyms

must be

employ

Wrong verb form

employed

show examples

more than females, but that will not prevent females from

the

Verb problem

getting the

show examples

job.

puoo505

Feb 18, 2026

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content

The idea is clear, but the task is not fully met. Add more balanced points and clear steps to show both sides.

structure

Use simple linking words to show order: first, next, finally. Each paragraph should have one main idea to help flow.

grammar

Check spell and form crits; many words are misspelt or wrong. Use correct grammar and simple forms.

content

The writer shows a clear view.

structure

There is a plan with two reasons.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
52
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

239 words

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The workplace nowadays is trying to employ the equal number of females and males. Do you think it is a positive or negative trend

The advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phone?

Around the world, many people buy ready-to-eat food rather than cooking for themselves. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that schools should teach foreign languages for primary school children. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environment pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?