IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the number of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 attend evening courses at an adult education centre in 2009. The pie chart illustrates the ages of the
participants
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different activities.
Overall
Linking Words
, in most activities
such
Linking Words
 as drama, painting and language
Use synonyms
women
Punctuation problem
, women
show examples
 had a higher number of
participation
Replace the word
participants
show examples
, except for
sculpting
Punctuation problem
sculpting,
show examples
 where
men
Use synonyms
 had a higher attendance.
Adults
Use synonyms
 aged 50+ made up the bulk of
participants
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
 activity centre. Young
adults
Use synonyms
 under 20 had the least amount of participation. Language was the most popular choice of evening activity among
women
Use synonyms
. 40
women
Use synonyms
 were seen attending these
classes
Punctuation problem
classes,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 only 20
men
Use synonyms
 were in
participation
Check wording
attendance
show examples
. The second most popular course among
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 was painting. At least 25
men
Use synonyms
 and 30
women
Use synonyms
 were interested in
painting
Correct article usage
the painting
show examples
 lesson. The third most popular course was drama, 20
women
Use synonyms
 and 10
men
Use synonyms
 attended these lessons. The least popular course was sculpting
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 only 10
men
Use synonyms
 and 5
women
Use synonyms
 were interested in learning about sculpting.
Adults
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 were 50+ were most interested in learning at
this
Linking Words
 activity
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 and made up 42% of the total population. The second highest percentage of people in attendance were between the ages of 40-49 and made up 26% of the
participants
Use synonyms
. The third and fourth highest were people between the ages of 30-39 and 20-29 at 16% and 11%, respectively. Young
adults
Use synonyms
 below 20 years of age made up only 5% of the total number of
participants
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, participants, adults with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: