some people say that parents shouyld encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. others say it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that
children
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should be inspired to get
indulged
Verb problem
involved
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in collaborative
activities
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in their leisure time, whilst others argue that
children
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must be taught how to stay occupied on their own.
However
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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my opinion,
this
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trend has both advantages as well negative consequences
which
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, which
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will be substantiated in
this
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essay with relevant examples. On the one hand, it is believed that
children
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can become overly productive and social by interacting with others. To be more precise,
while
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they sit down together and start doing various group
activities
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, it offers profound knowledge and valuable information by exchanging their ideas, emotions and thoughts.
For example
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, if
children
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are playing brainstorming puzzles, their cognitive skills can be enhanced at a rapid pace. Eventually, they will become more creative and
dilligent
Correct your spelling
diligent
.
Moreover
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, it fosters cooperation and teamwork skills among them and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
them incredibly social by interacting with other community
people
Check wording
members
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.
Therefore
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, engaging in
activities
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together would be tremendously beneficial for
children
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as they can improve their
overall
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performance and lead a prosperous life in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
On the other hand
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,
although
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by
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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in group
activities
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can foster
children
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's ability and teach them
regarding
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about
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team building,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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of working alone cannot be denied.
In other words
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, despite being in groups,
children
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can focus on a particular task in more better way when they are alone.
While
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they do study solely, it promotes their concentration levels without being distracted
from
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by
show examples
others and extraneous noise as well. Sometimes
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due
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, due
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to
dearth
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a lack
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of concentration, it leads to failure and demotivation among kids
which
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, which
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might take them
on
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to
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the brink of destruction.
Furthermore
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,
children
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can pay more attention to those subjects in which they are not strong enough or weak.
For instance
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, if a child does not have
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
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mathematical ability to solve intricate questions, they can sit alone and try to focus on those problems
Change preposition
in particularly
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particularly
Replace the word
particular
show examples
and find solutions.
Hence
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, in order to attain high scores and
better
Correct article usage
a better
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life, solely
utilisation of
Use the right word
utilising
show examples
time is more preferable for
children
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. In conclusion, it is perspicuous that even though grouping
activities
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can make
children
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utterly industrious and highly amicable,
Correct article usage
the advantanges
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advantanges
Correct your spelling
advantages
of sitting alone for effective concentration and enjoying their own company cannot be put aside. In my opinion, by adopting a balanced approach, parents can monitor their
children
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's
activities
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more effectively and efficiently
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, either
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either
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whether
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they are engaging in group or doing work alone.

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Task Response
Give a clear view of both sides and add your own view at the end. Use one or two simple examples for each side.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the flow a bit better. Use easy link words to join ideas: first, next, also, but, so. Make sure each idea moves to the next.
Language Use
Fix big word use and spelling. Short, clear sentence helps. Use only common words from the top 100 list.
Structure
Fresh plan with an intro, two body parts and a clear end.
Content
The essay shows both sides and ends with opinion.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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