IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart beiow shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.

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The bar chart
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 in England and Wales who live in their
house
Correct word choice
own house
show examples
 and rent for living over 89 years from 1918 to 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 choosing to have owned house showed a
decreased
Replace the word
decrease,
 and the
percentage
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 renting increased during the whole period.
While
Linking Words
 the value
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 owned
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 equal to the individual on renting in England and Wales in 1971. Before 1971,
people
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choosing
the owned
Replace the word
to own
 houses
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 a downward trend
that the
Correct word order
, with the percentage reaching a peak
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 1918
was the peak
Verb problem
apply
show examples
at 78 .The proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 in rented
increased
Check wording
accommodation increased
show examples
 continuously from 24 in 1918
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 sharply went to 50 in 1971 and overtook the
percentage
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 households
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
owned . In contracts, the trend of individuals
chose living
Wrong verb form
choosing to live
show examples
 in owned or rented showed a interestedly changes.After 1971,
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
the number of people
show examples
chose to have
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 owned
house
Check wording
houses
show examples
 rose
Linking Words
firstly
Rephrase
first
show examples
 from 50 percents down to 70
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
per cent
show examples
 in 1991and
then
Linking Words
 decreased to 65
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
per cent
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
people
Use synonyms
 who rent a place to live
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 a downward trend to 32
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2011 and showed a dramatic
increased
Replace the word
increase
 to 38
Linking Words
finally
Rephrase
per cent
show examples
 in 2011. 47mins

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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