IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping centres rather than smaller, more traditional shops? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples.

It is undeniable that shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 and department
stores
Use synonyms
 are increasing day by day, which results in the decline of single or small
shops
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 large shopping centres have many benefits, their drawbacks cannot be ignored. On the
one
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 hand, having all
shops
Use synonyms
 together in
one
Use synonyms
 place,
such
Linking Words
 as in
malls
Use synonyms
, saves a lot of time for
people
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.
Malls
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 include grocery
stores
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, clothing
shops
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, toy
stores
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 and even car showrooms. In
this
Linking Words
 type of place, most
people
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 prefer shopping because of the convenience.
For example
Linking Words
, when a family goes shopping, different members can do different tasks at the same time. The wife can shop at clothing
stores
Use synonyms
, children can play or visit toy
shops
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, and the husband can buy groceries.
As a result
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, the family does not need to visit separate
shops
Use synonyms
 throughout the day.
Moreover
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,
malls
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 usually have bigger showrooms compared to small corner
shops
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, which means they offer a wider variety and larger quantity of products.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in smaller
shops
Use synonyms
 are cheaper as compared to showrooms in the mall. The
people
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 who are not very good in financial status can buy cheaper
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, clothes and other necessary things from these small
shops
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. Because
malls
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 are owned by big
companies
Punctuation problem
companies,
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 for which the shopkeepers have to pay the rent,
whereas
Linking Words
 mostly traditional
shops
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 are owned and do not have rent to be paid.
Also
Linking Words
 person can do bargaining in the small
shops
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 helps to buy and save
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money. The
shops
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 are
opened
Replace the word
open
show examples
 till 11pm
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 night
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 helps to buy
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 or food at
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 minute. But
malls
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 do have proper fixed timing
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 inconvenience for the
people
Use synonyms
 who do not plan or forget to do groceries. In conclusion,
malls
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 provide
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 wonderful experience than smaller
shops
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, but if we
see
Verb problem
look
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as
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
it per
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per
Change preposition
from
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 convenience
wise
Punctuation problem
wise,
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then
Linking Words
shop
Correct article usage
the shop
show examples
 is best as
one
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 can do numerous
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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at
Change preposition
in
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one
Use synonyms
 place as compared to
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 in
separate
Replace the word
separately
show examples
places
Check wording
apply
show examples
.

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structure
Have one clear view from start to end. Make your main idea strong in the first paragraph.
coherence
Use linking words to show a clear path. Use 'also', 'but', 'however' to keep flow.
grammar
Keep the language simple and fix mistakes. Watch plurals and verbs.
content
Give more exact examples and details from real life.
structure
Clear two sides with 'one hand' and 'the other hand' ideas.
content
Good use of examples like family shopping to show time save.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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