IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to stay in their
hometown
Use synonyms
 where they were born
instead
Linking Words
 of moving away throughout their life, but what are the advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint? In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both positive and negative aspects and give my opinion. On the one hand, the benefits of residing in
hometown
Use synonyms
 must be mentioned. Socialising is a good reason for some individuals staying in their
hometown
Use synonyms
, especially for
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
;
in other words
Linking Words
, because of a low population, the relationship between peers is closer during their childhood.
This
Linking Words
 is helpful for them to live and work locally once they become an adult, because most of them are familiar with local culture, weather and environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, living locally has its drawbacks that should be considered. Some
people
Use synonyms
 decide to leave their
hometown
Use synonyms
 to seek more job opportunities,
this
Linking Words
 is because national development in major cities is better than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 regions.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 from rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 have
no
Rephrase
not
show examples
 too many choices of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads them to pursue more opportunities in the city,
such
Linking Words
 as the capital. In conclusion, a part of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to keep their life in
familiar
Correct article usage
a familiar
show examples
 place because they do not need to face new challenges,
while
Linking Words
 some individuals choose to leave their
hometown
Use synonyms
 for personal development. I personally encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to go out of
comfort
Correct pronoun usage
their comfort
show examples
 zone
while
Linking Words
 they are still young, because opportunity does not wait for anyone.

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writing technique
Use short, clear sentences. Break long ideas into two sentences if needed.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main point and use small linking words to move to the next idea.
content
Give more precise examples rather than general ideas.
language
Check grammar and word choice to avoid mistakes that may slow reading.
structure
The essay shows a plan with introduction, body, and conclusion.
technique
It uses on the one hand / on the other hand to show both sides.
content
The writer gives a view in the end, so it has a clear opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Familiarity
  • Comfort
  • Social ties
  • Family ties
  • Belonging
  • Resources
  • Opportunities
  • Fear
  • Unknown
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural attachment
  • Language barriers
  • Limited education
  • Skills
What to do next:
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