IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion

In recent years, there has been increasing discussion about the issue regarding smoking in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public spaces. From my perspective, I strongly agree with
idea
Correct article usage
the idea
show examples
 of banning smoking in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shared spaces.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine
this
Linking Words
 issue and provide a reasoned conclusion. One of the primary reasons
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 why I believe
agree
Verb problem
apply
show examples
banning smoking in
shares
Use the right word
shared
show examples
 spaces is
because
Change preposition
that
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it helps
with promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
cleaner
Correct article usage
a cleaner
show examples
 environment.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
smoke free
Use the right word
smoke-free
show examples
 policies contribute to cleaner air and reduce litter from cigarette buds, enhancing urban and workplace environments.
This
Linking Words
 means that individuals safeguarding non-smokers from respiratory issues and chronic diseases.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having designated areas as
smoke free
Use the right word
smoke-free
show examples
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
show examples
 often attracts
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 and children
enhancing
Punctuation problem
, enhancing
show examples
 community wellbeing. Another compelling reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that it helps
in boosting
Wrong verb form
boost
show examples
 workplace productivity.
This
Linking Words
 means, smoke-free offices can lead to fewer smoke breaks, healthier employees, and reduced sick leave, ultimately benefiting business performance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, banning smoking not only but
also
Linking Words
minimizes
Change the spelling
minimises
show examples
 fire
hazardous
Replace the word
hazards
show examples
,
protecting
Wrong verb form
but also protects
show examples
 property and lives. In conclusion, prohibiting smoking in offices and public places is a necessary and responsible measure. It protects public health, promotes a cleaner and safer environment, supports smokers in quitting, and respects the rights of all individuals to breathe smoke-free air.
Such
Linking Words
 policies contribute to healthier communities, increased productivity, and
overall
Linking Words
 societal well-being, making them the right course of action.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar/structure
Try to use fewer long sentences. Break big ideas into two small sentences.
grammar
Check the small grammar mistakes. For example, change 'shares spaces' to 'shared spaces' and keep 'zones' plural.
coherence
Use clear link words to join ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'therefore'.
task
Give a real example or fact to back your idea, even a simple one.
structure
Keep to one idea per paragraph and end with a quick summar y sentence.
task
Clear position on the topic.
structure
The text has a clear plan with an intro, body and conclusion.
coherence
Ideas are easy to follow for most readers.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • workplace productivity
  • illness-related absences
  • environmental pollution
  • discarded cigarette butts
  • economic considerations
  • healthcare costs
  • de-normalize tobacco use
  • smoke-free culture
  • initiation of smoking
  • duty of care
  • public health policy
  • healthier employees
What to do next:
Look at other essays: