IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the rise of social media, individuals are constantly exposed to the lives of others. How does this constant comparison affect people's self-esteem and overall happiness? What measures can individuals take to mitigate the negative effects of social media on their mental well-being?

Nowadays, many young
people
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 are
committiing
Correct your spelling
committing
 more
crimes
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. I think that the main reason is
Correct word choice
that a
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 majority of young
people
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 are
free handed
Use the right word
free-handed
show examples
. I firmly believe that every
yuong
Correct your spelling
young
 person should be
droven
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driven
 by
thir
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their
parents
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 and put extra
houseworks
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housework
 after
a
Correct article usage
apply
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school
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. There are several reasons why many
children
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 and teenagers veer onto
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 path. These days
a
Punctuation problem
, a
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majority of
parents
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 spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a lot of
time
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 on their work and study
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is why their
children
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 do anything
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they want to do,
such
Linking Words
 as scrolling social media and playing different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of online
games
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. When they stay alone, they may be
controled
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controlled
 by other
people
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 who are good at playing
games
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because many
children
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 are
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
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 of the best players in online
games
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 and they always try to follow them and look like them
also
Linking Words
. Those
people
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 drive
children
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 online, and they are
commiting
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committing
crimes
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 without knowing. If
parents
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 drive their
children
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 frequently, they may avoid
crimes
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.
That is
Linking Words
 why I think every parent should
controle
Correct your spelling
control
 their
children
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instead
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 of spending more
time
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 on their needs. If
children
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 veer onto
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 path, their
care givers
Use the right word
caregivers
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 should limit screen
time
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 for them. When
children
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 do not use gadgets like
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
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,
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
, they may join in
pysical avtivities
Correct your spelling
physical activities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they may start
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
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 the
milstones
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milestones
 which their
parents
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 did not achieve. When
children
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 are addicted to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 a lot of
time
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 on social media, they may join
in
Change preposition
apply
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different groups like
hickers
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hikers
.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
children
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 should go to
course
Check wording
school
show examples
 after
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
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 and help their
parents
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 doing house chores or
tasks
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.
It
Verb problem
It's
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 true that
school
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curriculm
Correct your spelling
curriculum
full
Verb problem
is full
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 of
with
Change preposition
apply
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academic subjects like math, science and languages, but extra
tasks
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 should be done by
children
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 in order to avoid wrong ways. When young
people
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 do extra
tasks
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, they not only learn more things, but
also
Linking Words
 they may improve
thier knowladge
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their knowledge
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, many young
people
Use synonyms
 are
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
crimes
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 because they spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more
time
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 by themselves on
socail
Correct your spelling
social
 media and playing online
games
Use synonyms
. I believe that when
children
Use synonyms
droven
Correct your spelling
driven
 by their
parebts
Correct your spelling
parents
 and do extra
tasks
Use synonyms
 after
Use synonyms
school
Punctuation problem
school,
show examples
 they may avoid a wrong path.

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task response
In task response, give a clear overall idea and two or three strong reasons. Use simple, direct language and avoid big claims that you can't back up with proof.
coherence
In coherence and cohesion, make each paragraph have one main idea. Use linking words to connect ideas and show how points relate to the task. Check spelling and grammar to keep the flow.
strength
The essay shows a clear view that parents should guide children.
strength
It mentions practical steps like limit screen time and do extra tasks.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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