IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

it is thought by some that computers are more of hinderance than a help in society. others believe that they are such indispensable device that people would not be able to live or work in their absence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some think that the dependence on
computers
Use synonyms
 weakens our society,
while
Linking Words
 others desperately believe that humans could not live and develop properly without the help of
computers
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 agree with the fact that it has its harms for the environment as a whole,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
also
Linking Words
 believe that balance is crucial when it comes to technology, as it gives us a lot of opportunities and control humans should not miss out today. We have learned to rely on
Use synonyms
computers
Punctuation problem
computers,
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like
Correct word choice
so
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it is
Use the right word
it's
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 no surprise - using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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everyday
Use the right word
every day
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, even when it comes to googling some basic knowledge,
instead
Linking Words
 of thinking on your own. It for sure can
make
Rephrase
surely make
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 a person lose their critical thinking skills and weaken their ability to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
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 and comprehend patterns.
For example
Linking Words
, students often use technologies without being mindful
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and end up copying everything from the internet for their projects, not developing their own creativity. Individuals have learned to copy and paste, rather than think of something themselves, and it poorly
affects
Use the right word
effect
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our
Change preposition
on our
show examples
 society.
In addition
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, it can
also
Linking Words
 lead to some individuals becoming addicted to the internet, as they rely on it for everything, including entertainment. When they sacrifice their
real life
Use the right word
real-life
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 communications, building
long term
Use the right word
long-term
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,
building
Verb problem
apply
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deep connections can easily become a problem.
However
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think the advantages of the wide use of
computers
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
 easily outweigh the disadvantages, and there are a few main reasons for
this
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is already being used as an assistant in fields
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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such
Linking Words
 as medicine or education. Hospitals use it to save and provide information about patients, which frees them from unnecessary paperwork and
let's
Use the right word
lets
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 them focus on a patient.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is used in teaching
people
Use synonyms
 worldwide,
such
Linking Words
 as
online
Change preposition
in online
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 schools. They tend to be more accessible and effective, as kids and even adults can learn from any place and country, by just communicating with
people
Use synonyms
 online and doing their research. These forms of global communication are important. Especially for those
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who are away from their home and family, since
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 helps them to stay in contact. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 best believe there has to be
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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 between online and real life. Real interactions are crucial for a person, but technologies help us to upgrade, make our lives easier and give new opportunities for others. Using it
in
Change preposition
to
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 your advantage is great, but overusing it can lead to developing an unhealthy addiction.
People
Use synonyms
 should remember to draw a line somewhere, so that
way
Check wording
apply
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
 can effectively make our lives easier.

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structure
Be clear on your view in the first sentence. A short stance helps the reader know your side.
content
In each paragraph, give more detail and a real example to back the idea.
language
Fix small grammar and spelling, like capital I and sentence breaks; make sentences shorter.
coherence
Use linking words well to show how ideas are linked and to guide the reader.
content
The essay shows a balanced view by talking about both sides and giving an opinion.
structure
There is a clear structure: intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Examples from medicine and online learning help show your points.
coherence
Use of linking words like However and Firstly helps flow.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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