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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (KLL)

The pie chart describes what
Antropology
Correct your spelling
Anthropology
 graduates performed after their undergraduate degree course,
while
Linking Words
 the table reports different
salaries
Use synonyms
, based on their different employments. Most part of
Antropologists
Correct your spelling
anthropologists
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full-time work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 those employed in
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 sector had the highest
salaries
Use synonyms
. Looking at details, only 5% of graduates had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time work
while
Linking Words
 attending
postgrad
Correct word choice
postgraduate
show examples
 studies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
a
little
Replace the word
slightly
show examples
 higher percentage of them (8%) were full-time postgrad students
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 they were employed in unknown sectors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 15% of graduates
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 represented by part-time workers, and 12% of them
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 unemployed. The table above shows that 40% of freelance consultants may have the highest
salaries
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 between 75,000 and 99,999
dollars
Use synonyms
 and higher than 100,000
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, 30% of
Antropologists
Correct your spelling
anthropologists
 had the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 quartile of
salaries
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 30% of them had the 75,000-99,999
Check wording
apply
show examples
Dollars
Use synonyms
. Oppositely, most part of workers in private companies (35%) had a salary between 50,000 and 74,999
Dollars
Use synonyms
. It can be concluded that, after the undergraduate degree course, most part of
Antropologists
Correct your spelling
anthropologists
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full-time work and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 those employed in
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 sector
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 received the highest
salaries
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the eighth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the ninth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salaries, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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