The graph below shows the amounts spent on cloths on the internet in the USA and japan between 1999 and 2003

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The line graph illustrates the United
States
Use synonyms
and jaban expenditure on clothes over a period of four years.
Overall
Linking Words
, Japan showed an increase over just the first half of the period
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Meanwhile,
United
Correct article usage
the United
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States
Use synonyms
remained relatively the same
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Furthermore
Linking Words
, Japan and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
. dramatically increased over the second half of the year,
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 1999
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
rose from 5$ to 10$
million
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over just a year
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Next
to
Change preposition
apply
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that it sharply declined in 2001
,
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.
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Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2002 it grew again at approximately 20$
million
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the figures of Jaban showed a rise from 10$ to nearly 12$
million
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, it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
increased to the lowest point between 2000 and 2002
,
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.
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Moreover
Linking Words
, it grew back from almost 18$ to 20$
million
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,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
At the end
Linking Words
of the period, Japan and the United
States
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community remained stable in 2003

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words states, million with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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