The graph below shows the amounts spent on cloths on the internet in the USA and japan between 1999 and 2003

The line graph illustrates the United
States
Use synonyms
and jaban expenditure on clothes over a period of four years.
Overall
Linking Words
, Japan showed an increase over just the first half of the period
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Meanwhile,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
remained relatively the same
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Furthermore
Linking Words
, Japan and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
. dramatically increased over the second half of the year,
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 1999
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
rose from 5$ to 10$
million
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over just a year
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Next
to
Change preposition
apply
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that it sharply declined in 2001
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2002 it grew again at approximately 20$
million
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the figures of Jaban showed a rise from 10$ to nearly 12$
million
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, it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
increased to the lowest point between 2000 and 2002
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, it grew back from almost 18$ to 20$
million
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,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
At the end
Linking Words
of the period, Japan and the United
States
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community remained stable in 2003

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words states, million with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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