IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

I believe that using
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and smartphones for sending
money
Use synonyms
 is important in modern life. Today
many
Punctuation problem
, many
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 transfer
money
Use synonyms
 to friends, family and business by phone. It makes life
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
easier and faster. From my perspective, it is mostly
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 development. On the one hand, online transfer helps
people
Use synonyms
 save
time
Use synonyms
 and energy. They don’t need
go
Verb problem
to go
show examples
 to
bank
Correct article usage
the bank
show examples
 and wait
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. With mobile applications,
money
Use synonyms
 can be
send
Wrong verb form
sent
show examples
 in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 minutes.
This
Linking Words
 is very helpful when someone
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 urgently.
For example
Linking Words
, parents can send
money
Use synonyms
 to their children who study in another city. Because of
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 feel more convenient and less stressed.
Howewer
Correct your spelling
However
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some problems. From
time
Use synonyms
 to
time
Use synonyms
 connection
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 well and
transaction
Correct article usage
the transaction
show examples
 doesn’t work properly. Some
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 lose
money
Use synonyms
 because of hackers or online scams.
Especially old
Rephrase
Old
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 don’t understand technology very well
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they feel confused. In conclusion, internet
money
Use synonyms
 transfer
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some
disandvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
, but it is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 development. It helps
people
Use synonyms
 in daily life and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 financial activities
more simple
Correct word choice
simpler
show examples
. In the future, it will become even more popular.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan more before you write. State your view clearly at the start and make sure each paragraph has one main idea.
content
Add more details and examples. Give more than one example and explain how it helps.
language
Improve basic grammar and spelling. Learn common errors like 'more easier' and 'send/sent'.
language
Use simple linking words to show cause and effect, like 'but', 'and', 'so', 'therefore'.
content
Clear position on the issue
content
Has a real example about family money use
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: