IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question: "Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to increase the number of police officers on the streets. Others, however, argue that improving education and providing better job opportunities are more effective measures. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

Nowadays, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 think that the best way to decrease
crime
Use synonyms
 is to
increase
Use synonyms
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 on the
outside
Check wording
streets
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 believe that developing
education
Use synonyms
 in terms of quality and creating new job options for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 are more effective than the other
solution
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 improving
education
Use synonyms
 to ensure new job opportunities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more effective on
people
Use synonyms
 for reducing
crime
Use synonyms
account
Check wording
apply
show examples
. I believe that
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
security
Use synonyms
 via
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more effective on
people
Use synonyms
’s
behaviors
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
 in the long term. On the one hand, most
individuals
Use synonyms
 believe that the quality of
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system is very crucial for
dropping
Verb problem
reducing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 new employment opportunities in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think that developing
education
Use synonyms
 in schools
provide increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 the level of awareness.
Also
Linking Words
, they believe that improving
education
Use synonyms
is create
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 new opportunities in the long term.
For instance
Linking Words
, if some
people
Use synonyms
 who have detrimental habits
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 take
education
Use synonyms
for changing
Change preposition
to change
show examples
 their perspectives on
Use synonyms
crime
Punctuation problem
crime,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they don’t want to do harmful events in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
disposed
Verb problem
are disposed
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commit a
crime
Use synonyms
 after
taking
Verb problem
receiving
show examples
education
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may have a job in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 support that the best way to decrease
crime
Use synonyms
 is to
increase
Use synonyms
security
Use synonyms
via
Change preposition
by
show examples
enhancement
Replace the word
enhancing
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 on the streets.
It is clear that
Linking Words
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
security
Use synonyms
 on the streets in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short period of time.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 want to trust
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 because of some
security
Use synonyms
 problems.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if the government
increase
Use synonyms
 the
security
Use synonyms
 force,
then
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of crimes
becoming reduce
Wrong verb form
will be reduced
show examples
 in the country.
In addition
Linking Words
, most
individuals
Use synonyms
 want to see the
solution
Use synonyms
 rapidly because when the chaos
don’t
Verb problem
is not
show examples
prevent
Wrong verb form
prevented
show examples
,
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it
becoming
Verb problem
will
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of crimes in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that improving
education
Use synonyms
 is
Use synonyms
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
show examples
 for decreasing the
crime
Use synonyms
account
Check wording
rate
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 think that
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 is
Use synonyms
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 problem. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
Use synonyms
security
Correct article usage
the security
show examples
 force is
long-term
Correct article usage
a long-term
show examples
solution
Use synonyms
 for reducing
crime
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.

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Task response
Make your intro show your view clearly and end with a strong conclusion that repeats your view.
Coherence and cohesion
In each body paragraph, start with one clear idea, then give one or two reasons or examples.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like also, but, for example, in addition, however to show how your ideas fit together.
Task response
Give one clear point that supports your view and then add a point from the other side to show balance.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph short and one idea per paragraph to help flow.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a clear opinion in the last part.
language
Some points are supported by ideas or examples.
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