IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the
use
Use synonyms
 of
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
show examples
 (cell)
phones
Use synonyms
 should be banned in public places
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement?
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 there are ongoing debates over telephones that should be prohibited in public areas
such
Linking Words
 as libraries, shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and on public
transport
Punctuation problem
transport,
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should not be banned. I mostly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea for some plausible reasons. On the one hand, it is important to acknowledge that the
use
Use synonyms
 of
phones
Use synonyms
 in public areas leads to many concerns
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
this
Linking Words
 situation having
distractive
Correct article usage
a distractive
show examples
 nature and real source of disturbance. First and foremost,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
phones
Use synonyms
 or computer keyboards in noisy
ways
Check wording
environments
show examples
 causes them to distract conveniences of the individuals.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 go to the libraries to solve their homework problems, or read books in
quiet
Correct article usage
a quiet
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 atmosphere
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
case
Punctuation problem
case,
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 if there are some
people
Use synonyms
 who
use
Use synonyms
 their
phones
Use synonyms
 or mobile equipment can cause disturbance.
Additionally
Linking Words
, voices of
this
Linking Words
 equipment's
such
Linking Words
 as call voices or even
vibrations
Punctuation problem
vibrations,
show examples
 break others' concentration.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
 world,
this
Linking Words
 kind of mobile equipment is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
show examples
 part of our daily life in terms of
people
Use synonyms
 doing their work
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
 computers or mobile applications. It can be exemplified by the fact that in today's
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 every company or even government schools and universities demand computer-based work, so employees or school children must
use
Use synonyms
 some apps
such
Linking Words
 as Word, PowerPoint or Excel for their homework and settle their work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, thanks to cutting-edge technology,
people
Use synonyms
 can interact with each other, and
this
Linking Words
 is necessary to carry their
phones
Use synonyms
 with them
given
Punctuation problem
, given
show examples
 that there might be any emergency calls.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 conclusion,
whereas
Linking Words
 some consider that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 should be banned,
Linking Words
however
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it is important to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 that using them in a balanced way would be better for
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.

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task response
Say your view in the intro and restate it in the conclusion to make your main idea clear.
support
Add more real and simple examples for each point to back up your claim.
coherence
Use one idea per paragraph and start each with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like also, but, however, and add small linking phrases.
grammar
Keep grammar simple and fix mistakes with small help at the end of writing.
content
Your view is clear, and you take a side.
content
You use a real word on why people may keep phones in public orders like library use.
structure
There is a balance idea, not only a ban.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
What to do next:
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