IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel supervisor's permission for that. Write a letter to the hostel supervisor. In your letter, introduce yourself describe the problems explain what type of room you would prefer

Dear Sir, I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you in good health. I live in
room
Use synonyms
 number 101 on the 3rd floor in your hostel. I have recently moved in, but since
then
Linking Words
, I have been facing several issues which I would like to shed light on. First of all, there is a leakage in our bathroom which requires urgent repair. It has become really difficult for me and my roommate to take a shower properly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is a lot of noise from the construction work going on
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
room
Use synonyms
 beside ours.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the noise makes it extremely difficult for me to concentrate on my studies.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I would request you to please shift me to another
room
Use synonyms
. I would prefer a
room
Use synonyms
 which is either on the 1st or ground
floor
Punctuation problem
floor,
show examples
 as the noise from the 3rd floor would not disturb us there.
Also
Linking Words
, please make sure there is no leakage or any other issues present. I am waiting for your prompt response to
this
Linking Words
 problem Sincerely, Asma

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task response
Add one more clear line about who you are, like your course or year, to make the first part more full.
task response
Say a bit more about the room you want, for example a quiet room with good study space.
task response
Use a more direct end line, such as asking for a room change soon.
coherence cohesion
Some linking words are good, but a few lines can be shorter and more clear.
coherence cohesion
Check small word choice and grammar, like 'in the room beside ours' and 'on the ground or first floor'.
coherence cohesion
Add a full closing line with a period, like 'I look forward to your reply.'
task response
You answered all parts of the task.
task response
The tone is polite and right for a letter to a hostel head.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You used linking words like 'First of all', 'Moreover', and 'Therefore' well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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