IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Human activities such as deforestation, industrial pollution, and overpopulation continue to damage the natural environment. Discuss the main causes of this environmental disruption and examine its effects on ecosystems and human health.

In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, it is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 undeniable fact that, natural environment is
damaging
Replace the word
damaged
show examples
 because of several factors
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 deforestation, industrial pollution and overpopulation. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 an attempt will be made to explain
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 causes, and
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 effect on
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 health. First and foremost reason is that
Correct article usage
the govenment
show examples
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 is focusing more on
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of commercial
buldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
, and factories to improve their economy
while
Linking Words
 making different products and technology gadgets. To elaborate,
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of forests are cut down to make more space for markets
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and commercial lands
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is the main factor of deforestation.
For instance
Linking Words
, developing cities
also
Linking Words
attact
Correct your spelling
attract
 numerous
people
Use synonyms
 to commute and work in these sectors, and directly
causing
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 overpopulation.
Thus
Linking Words
, economic growth is bringing a lot of imbalance is cities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 distribution is causing a lot of ill effects on the health of community
people
Use synonyms
, dangerous gases are
emmited
Correct your spelling
emitted
 from the factories
causing
Punctuation problem
, causing
show examples
 a lot of respiratory diseases
such
Linking Words
 as asthma.
For example
Linking Words
, recent studies
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 that the air
index
Check wording
quality
show examples
 in Delhi, which is
capital
Correct article usage
the capital
show examples
 of
India
Punctuation problem
India,
show examples
 is
very
Rephrase
so
show examples
 poor that
people
Use synonyms
 can't step out
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 homes without face
masks
Punctuation problem
masks,
show examples
 as it's unsafe to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 in
open
Correct article usage
the open
show examples
 air.
Moreover
Linking Words
, deforestation is leading to the
infertily
Correct your spelling
infertility
 of land, because of
which it's
Correct pronoun usage
which's
show examples
 natural action to grow crops is
distroyed
Correct your spelling
destroyed
 completely.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it's economically important to have more industrial
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 to grow more goods.
However
Linking Words
, the disadvantage to
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
 and
people
Use synonyms
's health can not be ignored.

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overall
Band: 5. The essay only partly answers the task. It can touch on causes and effects, but ideas are not well explained or fully developed.
task response
Task response: Make your view clear from the start and stick to it. Add 2–3 strong points about causes and two about effects, each with simple details or examples.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use clear paragraphs. Start with a topic sentence for each paragraph, then add one main idea and a simple example. Link ideas with basic words like 'also', 'but', 'so', 'then'.
structure
The essay has an introduction that states the topic and a closing line.
content
It gives some real examples (like Delhi) to support ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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