IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why is this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?

In The Present Scenario, a higher number of young individuals prefer to spend their time helping numerous communities in
third world
Use the right word
third-world
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 by performing various tasks
by
Punctuation problem
, by
show examples
 providing education to the
people
Use synonyms
, and constructing various residential structures.
This
Linking Words
 Essay will discuss the positive impact of those operations
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both local communities and the volunteers. To
Commence
Fix capitalization
commence
show examples
 with, the local communities received a considerable amount of support and funding from rich
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 not only assists them
to receive
Change preposition
in receiving
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 education but
also
Linking Words
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 their country.
For example
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 receiving support from various younger
people
Use synonyms
, some of the
undeveloped
Use the right word
underdeveloped
show examples
 nations are able to provide fresh water, food and shelter to their citizens, which was challenging
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of education and support.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, the primary reason younger
people
Use synonyms
 choose to volunteer abroad is the desire for personal development and new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
. To be more clear, by going to undeveloped nations, they get the opportunity to explore various cultures and provide them
better
Change preposition
with better
show examples
 ways of living.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 feel compassion toward those
people
Use synonyms
. Other than that,
due to
Linking Words
 the sharp increase in the population all over the world. Younger
people
Use synonyms
 have to achieve outstanding results to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in
reputative
Correct your spelling
reputable
 universities and make a successful career.
Thus
Linking Words
, they opt to spend some years of their time doing volunteer work
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can increase their
changes
Use the right word
chances
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 receiving multiple opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, applicants who choose to study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Harward
Use the right word
Harvard
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can stand out among thousands of other applications
due to
Linking Words
 having volunteer experience on their application. In summary, there is no doubt that by receiving assistance from younger
people
Use synonyms
, poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 receive a huge boost to develop their
countries
Use synonyms
 and help their
people
Use synonyms
 to improve their lifestyle. In return, the volunteers receive experience and extra marks in their applications, helping them to choose a better career.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Your essay has a good start and you touch on both ideas: why young people go to help in poorer countries and who benefits. To raise the score, be clear on your main view in every part. State a clear answer in the opening, and make the last paragraph sum up this view.
coherence
Link your ideas with clear and smooth links. Use one idea per paragraph, and begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Use simple connecting words like first, also, but, and then to show how ideas fit together.
content
Some clear ideas about how aid helps communities and how volunteering helps individuals.
content
You give real examples such as water, education and a chance to study, which shows you know the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: