IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows different numbers of males and females frequenting evening courses
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the pie charts
describes
Correct subject-verb agreement
describe
show examples
 the different ages of the students. From an
overall
Linking Words
 view, the number of women attending drama, painting and language courses was higher than
men
Use synonyms
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, most
part
Use synonyms
 of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 50
years
Use synonyms
 old or over. Looking at details, 10
men
Use synonyms
 attended
Correct article usage
the sculpure
show examples
sculpure
Correct your spelling
sculpture
 course
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 only 5 females
frequented
Verb problem
attended
show examples
 the same one.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the highest number of
men
Use synonyms
 (almost 26) was in the painting group,
although
Linking Words
 more women attended the same course.
Finally
Linking Words
, most
Use synonyms
part
Check wording
apply
show examples
of
females
Correct article usage
the females
show examples
, represented by 40 of them,
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 present in the language group. In the same one, only 20
men
Use synonyms
 were found. Looking at the ages, only 5% of students were aged under 20
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 most
Use synonyms
part
Check wording
apply
show examples
of them
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 between 40 and 49
years
Use synonyms
 old (26%) and 50
years
Use synonyms
 old or over (42%). It can be concluded that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 women attended most
Use synonyms
part
Check wording
apply
show examples
of
evening
Correct article usage
the evening
show examples
 courses, except sculpture and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 most
Use synonyms
part
Check wording
apply
show examples
of
students
Correct article usage
the students
show examples
 were over 40
years
Use synonyms
 old.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, part, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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