IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that professional sports players earn too much salary, especially when they do not seem to help peopleand societies the way people of other occupations such as doctors, teachers, and soldiers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
The huge amount of income that
atheltes
Correct your spelling
athletes
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 is a concern for some
people
Use synonyms
, especially because they
dose
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
publuic
Correct your spelling
public
 interest
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as doctors and soldiers
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I strongly
agrees
Correct subject-verb agreement
agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the reasons for
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
Correct word choice
that those
show examples
those
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 individuals
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more influence than others
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their job is related to entertainment in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 place.
Body paragraph 1
The influence of basketball players is
unmeasureable
Correct your spelling
immeasurable
, they can
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 how
people
Use synonyms
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
show examples
 their money and how they dress
also
Linking Words
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 a survey
conduct
Replace the word
conducted
show examples
 for kids in US schools, ages between 14 and 17 and shows that those kids
are tends
Wrong verb form
tend
show examples
 to follow a
stayle
Correct your spelling
style
 of
basketball
Correct article usage
a basketball
show examples
 player than their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 or
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
 in
2002
Punctuation problem
2002,
show examples
 after Brazil
win
Wrong verb form
won
show examples
 the
world
Fix capitalization
World Cup
show examples
cup
Punctuation problem
cup,
show examples
 we can clearly see the influence of
Ronaldo
Check wording
Ronaldo's
show examples
 famous haircut
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
youngsters
Punctuation problem
youngsters,
show examples
 not only in Brazil but
world wide
Use the right word
worldwide
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 industry
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
foucusing
Correct your spelling
focusing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 entertainment more than any other
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 often
watchs
Correct your spelling
watch
 football or boxing
match
Fix the agreement mistake
matches
show examples
 for the joy and
excitment
Correct your spelling
excitement
 feeling that they
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
, not
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 they want to learn how to make a good free-kick or how to manage to avoid a punch.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 in Saudi
Arabia
Add a comma
Arabia,
show examples
 the most related activity for
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 is
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 games, more than films and singing shows.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite the huge cheque that
professonal
Correct your spelling
professional
 players earn, they
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not give back to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 level that they
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
. And
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
level
Add a comma
level,
show examples
 they have a huge
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
 on
people
Use synonyms
 and their jobs
Punctuation problem
, mainaly
show examples
mainaly
Correct your spelling
mainly
 for fun purposes.

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language
Fix spelling and grammar so the message is clear.
structure
Make a plan before you write: state your view, give two reasons, and end with a short note.
examples
Use one or two real examples that fit the point in each paragraph.
content
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
content
Some real examples are used to back ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • justified
  • revenue
  • generate
  • advertisers
  • career span
  • compensation
  • entertainment
  • social cohesion
  • national pride
  • market dynamics
  • demand for skills
  • perceived societal value
  • inspire
  • engage
  • pursue
  • economic principles
  • essential services
  • salary structures
  • occupations
  • disparity
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