In some countries children take up aid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the modern era, more and more people think that states that provide
aid
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and job opportunities for
kids
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in the
summer
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will benefit and build a strong society.
However
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, others argue that countries should not be eligible for these
jobs
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for
kids
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. In my opinion, I think the government should engage
kids
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in these
jobs
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with limited responsibilities. On the one hand, it is believed by some people that the government should not provide
aid
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jobs
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for children.
Although
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this
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will make
kids
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work
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at
young
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a young
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ages
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age
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,
this
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may affect them when they grow up
due to
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not giving them time for play, rest, and family life.
Furthermore
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, another reason is safety and health. Many
aid
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jobs
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,
such
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as farm
work
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and street selling, can be risky for children. They may face heat, carry heavy things, or face bad people.
Therefore
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, hiring
kids
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can affect them in the long term.
On the other hand
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, supporters believe
summer
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work
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can teach
kids
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a lot of valuable lessons that they can not take from
schools
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school
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. In fact,
aid
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jobs
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will benefit
kids
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and build their character
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due to
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by
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seeing real-life challenges and how they can find
solution
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solutions
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.
Moreover
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, children will learn how to manage and finance the money they
earned
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earn
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from
summer
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jobs
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, and it will
also
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teach them independence.
As a result
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, giving
kids
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the opportunity to
work
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in the
summer
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can provide a strong society in the future.
To conclude
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, I believe
summer
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jobs
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are good only when the
work
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is light, safe, and limited in time.

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task response
For task response, answer both sides more fully. You show both views and your opinion, but your ideas need a bit more depth.
task response
For task response, use one or two clear real examples. This will make your points stronger and easier to believe.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To get a higher score, make the link between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not fully clear, so the reader must guess your meaning. Try to write shorter and simpler sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like 'however', 'for example', 'because', and 'as a result' can help, but do not use them too much.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion. This fits the task well.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the introduction and the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has good paragraphing. Each paragraph has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is clear and matches your main view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • child labour
  • summer vacation
  • part-time job
  • light work
  • valuable lesson
  • learn responsibility
  • time management
  • work experience
  • earn money
  • the value of money
  • be on time
  • follow rules
  • build confidence
  • be independent
  • a sense of duty
  • long hours
  • hard physical work
  • safety risk
  • mental stress
  • free choice
  • poor families
  • support the family
  • harmful work
  • in the long term
  • clear rules
  • age limit
  • safe working conditions
  • balance work and rest
  • future career
  • practical skills
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