Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Due to
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the advancement of
technology
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,
individual
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individuals
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are able to
utilize
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utilise
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technology
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to make their
life
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easier.
However
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, being
dependable
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dependent
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on
this
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advance
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advanced
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Technology
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can impose multiple
risk
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risks
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and other issues for the general public, especially in
the
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apply
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communications, Health care and the transit system. I completely agree with
this
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notion and will explain why in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, one of the major
drawback
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drawbacks
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of being dependent on
the
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apply
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technology
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is
vulnerable
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vulnerability
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to cyber attacks. To be more clear,
Heacker
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Hackers
are able to hack
system
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systems
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with basic security, which can lead to data being stolen and put people's
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life
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lives
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in danger.
For example
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, in
2019
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2019,
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one of the indian hospitals got hacked by black hat hackers, who locked down the system.
This
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not only caused chaos and issues for the patients but
also
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for the health care provider as they were unable to
acces
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access
the Electronic medical records to provide care to their patients.
Moreover
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, as humans are
extervert
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an extroverted
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species, users who are fully dependent on the
technology
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to communicate with their family or friends can feel isolated.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that
,
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apply
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they do not have to
interect
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interact
with others in real
life
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; rather
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rather
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rather,
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they can either
sent
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send
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them a text
messge
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message
or video call to relay their message.
This
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can
also
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have
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cause
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them to
loose
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lose
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communication skills. In summary, being fully dependent on the
technology
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have
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has
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multiple
reprecussions
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repercussions
which can put the
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life
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lives
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of
the
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apply
show examples
people in danger. Which is why
,
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apply
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they should
lhave
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have
a balance between the use of
technology
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in healthcare
,
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apply
show examples
and transportation systems.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more fully. You agree, but your ideas need more detail.
task response
Add one more clear idea about transport, because the task asks about communication, medicine, and transport systems.
task response
Use clearer support for each main point. Explain how and why the risk is dangerous.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas smoother. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph and support it with 2 or 3 clear sentences.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction.
task response
You include an example about a hospital hack, and this helps your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has paragraphs, so it is easy to follow in general.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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