IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe and Japan from 1993 to 2007.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The line graph illustrates the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 required to manufacture a
vehicle
Use synonyms
 at US plants for four specific car companies (General Motors, Ford, Toyota and Honda) over a seven-year
period
Use synonyms
 starting
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
, all four companies improved their
production
Use synonyms
 efficiency by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there was a large difference in
production
Use synonyms
 times in 1998, the figures for all four manufacturers converged at a similar level by 2005. The number of
hours
Use synonyms
 required by General Motors had decreased considerably by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
 , falling to an all-time low of 22
hours
Use synonyms
. Ford started at a slightly lower point of 28
hours
Use synonyms
, but its
production
Use synonyms
 time increased significantly by 2001, reaching a peak of 31
hours
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 peak, Ford's
hours
Use synonyms
 dropped significantly, finishing the
period
Use synonyms
 at around 21
hours
Use synonyms
 per
vehicle
Use synonyms
. As for the Japanese firms, Toyota and Honda remained more stable. Both began the
period
Use synonyms
 requiring 22
hours
Use synonyms
 per
vehicle
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 both experienced a slight increase in
production
Use synonyms
 time in 2002 (peaking at 24
hours
Use synonyms
), they ultimately improved their efficiency to reach a joint low of 20
hours
Use synonyms
 per
vehicle
Use synonyms
 by 2005.
This
Linking Words
 made them the most time-efficient producers throughout almost the entire timeframe.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, vehicle, period, production with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "improved" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment rate
  • Fluctuation
  • Economic growth
  • Economic recovery
  • Comparative analysis
  • Steady decline
  • Modest stability
  • Broader economic challenges
  • Economic reform
  • Structural issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: