IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe that students should learn practical skills suh as cooking, budgeting, and car maintenance at school. Others think that schools should only focus on academic subjects.

While
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some
Fix capitalization
Some
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 people argue that
students
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 should learn practical skills
such
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 as cooking, budgeting, and car maintenance at school. Others believe that
schools
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 should only focus on academic subjects.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own personal view, which supports a balanced approach. On one hand, allowing
schools
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 to focus only on academic subjects may help
students
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 advance their career trajectory and gain a broader understanding of the world.
For instance
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, assisting
students
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 to focus on specialised professions
such
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 as engineering or medicine may help them build
long term
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long-term
 stability.
On the other hand
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, allowing
schools
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 to teach practical skills
such
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 as cooking, budgeting, and car maintenance may help
students
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 become more independent and more self-reliant.
For instance
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, teaching
students
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 how to cook may help them to become more self-reliant and less dependent on fast food.
To conclude
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,
although
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 focusing on academic subjects may help the
students
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 to build long-term stability. In my personal view, I see that
schools
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 should teach practical skills to
students
Use synonyms
 to be more independent and be more self-reliant.

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task response
Make your first sentence one full sentence. Now it starts with 'While', so it feels unfinished.
task response
Give a clearer opinion. You say both sides, but your own view should be stronger and easier to see.
task response
Add one more clear idea for each side. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your examples are relevant, but they are too short and general.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts feel separate, not fully connected.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same words too much, like 'independent' and 'self-reliant'. Try one word and then add a new point.
coherence and cohesion
Check your conclusion. The full stop in the middle breaks the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use paragraph opening ideas more clearly. This helps the reader follow your plan step by step.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic.
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Your view is clear in the end.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Basic linking words like 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' help the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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