IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

Students
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 in primary and secondary schools in many different countries will have approximately two months or more than two
month
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months
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 break for their summer
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hoildays
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holidays
. And
a
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apply
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long
school
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hoildays
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holidays
 allow
students
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 to get the chance for planning things that usually
requires
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require
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 a long period of
time
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.
However
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, if some schools provide shorter
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hoildays
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holidays
, it might make
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students feel hard
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it hard for students
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 to fully enjoy their vacations. A long summer vacation could leave enough
time
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 for
students
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 to properly make
a
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apply
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good use of their
time
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. Based on that, they can make their plan without considering
about
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apply
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whether they have enough
time
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 or not.
For instance
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, to do
a
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an
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 internship in a company often needs more than one month, and by having
sufficient
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a sufficient
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 period of
time
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,
students
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 can easily join the program without worries. If some schools only give shorter
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hoildays
Correct your spelling
holidays
, they might raise some concerns
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such
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, such
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 as not letting
students
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to
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apply
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have enough break for their mental health. And
that is
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 because learning different subjects in
school
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 could sometimes be stressful,
not to mention
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 that they
also
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 need to deal with relationships between schoolmates. When
students
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 have been exhausted by their daily math exams and presentations, they will need a proper rest after finishing all the complex
stuffs
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stuff
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 from their classes. Once they do not provide it,
that
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it
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 will be hard for
students
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 to have decent breaks from
schoolworks
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schoolwork
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. In conclusion, a long
school
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 holiday is needed. As it allows
students
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 to plan or to relax without worrying
for
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about
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 the insufficient
time
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. It will be a
disadventage
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disadvantage
 if they have shorter holidays
due to
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 the pressure they got from
school
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 that can not be released.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk more about long holidays, but the part about shorter holidays needs more clear points.
task response
Add one more clear idea for each side. This will make your response more complete and stronger.
task response
Use more specific support. The internship example is good, but you also need a clear example for shorter holidays.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas easier to follow with clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences feel hard to follow because the meaning is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use pronouns and linking words more carefully. Words like 'that', 'it', and 'once' are sometimes not clear.
task response
You answer both questions, so the reader can see your main position.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic logical order, and the internship example helps support one main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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