IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The bar below shows the percentage of australian men and womens in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 .

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of
australian
Check wording
Australians
show examples
 in different
age
Use synonyms
 brackets who performed daily physical activity in 2010.
Body · 1
Overall
Linking Words
, it was reported that
females
Use synonyms
 were on top of the graph except
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
age
Use synonyms
beteen
Correct your spelling
between
 15
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 24
Body · 2
only
Fix capitalization
Only
show examples
 at one stage
Linking Words
this
Verb problem
does this
show examples
 data remain almost equal to that of
males
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65.
Body · 3
It
was seem
Wrong verb form
seemed
show examples
 that only
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one side the ratio of doing daily exercise for
meles
Correct your spelling
males
 was increased from 15 to 24
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was about 53
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 higher than
Use synonyms
females
Correct pronoun usage
that of females
show examples
 . After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the data for
males
Use synonyms
 went on decreasing
Body · 4
In the
age
Use synonyms
 of 55 to 64
most
Punctuation problem
, most
show examples
females
Use synonyms
 performed regular exercise
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was at 53
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the same percentage for
males
Use synonyms
 declined .
Conclusion
It was clearly seen that
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one
age
Use synonyms
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 data was almost equal to
eathother
Correct your spelling
each other
 for
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 for
65
Correct pronoun usage
those 65
show examples
 or above
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 46.7 and 47.1
percent there
Punctuation problem
per cent, respectively. There
show examples
 was only
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 difference between
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Write a clear overview in one short part. Say the main trend: women were higher in most age groups, but men were higher at 15 to 24.
task response
Use exact words from the chart. Do not say 'on top of the graph' or 'at one side'. Say 'higher percentage' or 'lower percentage'.
task response
Add key numbers in a clear way for each main group. This helps show the data well.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas better. Put men and women for the same age groups together in one part.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words: overall, while, however, then, finally.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence full and clear. Some lines are hard to follow now.
task response
You gave an overview of the main trend.
task response
You used some numbers from the chart.
coherence and cohesion
You compared men and women in different age groups.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph shape.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: