IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Full-time studying at a
university
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 is a topic of considerable debate. Whether or not
students
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 should engage in other
activities
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, I strongly believe that they must invest their time and participate in
such
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activities
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 during their
studies
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.
Firstly
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,
students
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 must be conscious that studying in a full-time program requires more flexibility than they might think.
In other words
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, they must
recognize
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recognise
show examples
 the importance of engaging in other
activities
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such
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 as sports, music, and travel, even when they face challenges at the
university
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.
However
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, they should
also
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 be involved in and pursue what they truly enjoy. To illustrate, when you do what you genuinely enjoy overseas, you feel motivated and become more consistent in your major and
studies
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.
Secondly
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, the most important consideration is that
students
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 must be fully committed to their
studies
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while
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 enrolled in a full-time program at a
university
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. To clarify, being dedicated to your
studies
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 develops the adaptability needed to study effectively. Even
while
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 participating in other
activities
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, balancing both has become easier nowadays.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when you get involved in your graduation project,
for example
Linking Words
, it is no longer difficult to acquire information and make progress. On the whole, studying in a full-time program at a
university
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 is not difficult, especially when you
organize
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organise
show examples
 your time properly. I firmly believe that
students
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 should participate in other
activities
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while
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 they study.
Moreover
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, it is very common nowadays to balance both studying and pursuing personal interests alongside academic work.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear, and your opinion is strong. But you need to explain more why other activities help full-time students. Add one or two clear reasons in each body paragraph.
task response
Task response: The example about doing what you enjoy overseas is not very clear for this topic. Use examples that directly show how sports, clubs, or part-time work help students.
task response
Task response: Some ideas are too general, like 'balancing both has become easier nowadays.' Explain how or why this is true.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a good basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some topic sentences do not match the main point well. For example, the second body paragraph starts with study commitment, but the essay question asks about doing other activities too. Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking words are used well, like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'On the whole'. But a few links feel weak because the ideas after them are not fully connected. Make sure each sentence clearly grows from the one before it.
task response
You clearly give your opinion and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and say that students should do other activities too.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • full-time university students
  • engage in activities
  • well-rounded skill set
  • employers seek candidates
  • excel academically
  • soft skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • extracurricular activities
  • relieve stress
  • mental health
  • work-life balance
  • cultural awareness
  • social skills
  • inclusivity
  • time management skills
  • allocate time efficiently
  • academic achievement
  • detract from studies
What to do next:
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