IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries young people move in their own homes in early twenties, in other countries they live with parents longer. What do you think, do the advantages of living alone outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, it is common for young people to move into their own homes in early age, in other countries, they prefer to live with their parents longer.
This
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 essay will discuss both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and disadvantages of living alone , and my own opinion will be given. Some young citizens , after reaching twenty, are still living with their parents
instead
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 of moving to another home, because the majority of them do not want to have financial problems with taxes or rent
fee
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fees
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.
For example
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, by not paying the taxes for their houses, they will have a huge penalty from the government,
whereas
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 not paying for the rent of the flat, they will have a lot of problems with the owner.
As a result
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, more and more people do not want to move to their own apartments
due to
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a
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apply
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complex financial problems.
However
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, by moving away to their own apartments, young people are gaining a lot of essential skills
such
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 as being independent, confident and proper money management. They are learning these skills by being alone in an unknown place without those who will help them and limited cash use.
For instance
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, in Uzbekistan, citizens from countrysides are travelling to the centre to rent a flat and get a better job , and all these things they are doing by themselves without any help, which is why they are learning
such
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 interesting and important skills. In conclusion, they are getting a greater future and calm live.
Overall
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, from my point of view, the young generation from their early twenties should get their own homes , and all advantages from staying alone absolutely outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. You say your view at the end, but you should also clearly say why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Write more about the disadvantages of living alone. Now you mostly explain money problems only, so the response feels a bit narrow.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. Start each paragraph with one simple topic sentence, then explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, body, and end, but some ideas do not link smoothly. Use simple linking words well, like 'first', 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word order and grammar. Shorter sentences will help your ideas sound clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each example fully supports the main point. The Uzbekistan example is relevant, but explain more clearly how it shows the advantages are stronger than the disadvantages.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which gives it a clear shape.
task response
You use an example to support your ideas, which is a good step.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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