IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You want to join a gym. Write a letter to the gym manager. Include: • ask about membership • ask about the schedule • ask about the price

Dear
Gym
Use synonyms
 Manager, I am writing
letter
Correct article usage
a letter
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 to request
further
Linking Words
 information regarding your
gym
Use synonyms
. First of all, I want to know more details about the membership. As I knew that some sport centers are
also
Linking Words
 welcome
guest
Check wording
guests
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 who
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not their member. Is your
gym
Use synonyms
 only open for the members?
Secondly
Linking Words
, when is the
gym
Use synonyms
’s opening
time
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Since I usually need to work from 4 p.m. to 11 p.m.
in the
Change preposition
on
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 weekdays, I am worried
about
Correct word choice
that
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 I have no
time
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
to go to
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 the
gym
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
have
Verb problem
does
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 your
gym
Use synonyms
offers
Wrong verb form
offer
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 any
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
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, like yoga or professional weight training? Would I need to pay more fees for the class?
In addition
Linking Words
, if I want to be a member
in
Change preposition
of
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 the club, how much should I pay for a month?
Furthermore
Linking Words
, do you have any discount for people who
first
Correct word order
are joining the gym for the first time
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time
Use synonyms
 join as a
gym
Use synonyms
 member? I would appreciate it if you could reply
my
Change preposition
to my
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 questions and attach a schedule of
Use synonyms
gym’s
Correct article usage
the gym’s
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 courses. Thank you for your
time
Use synonyms
. I look forward to your
respond
Replace the word
response
. Kind regards, Jeff Yang

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task response
Task response: You answer all three points, but some questions are not fully clear. Make each ask short and direct.
task response
Task response: Your tone is polite, which is good. But some lines sound a bit odd. Use simple formal lines like 'I am writing to ask about your gym.'
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good. Try to make each paragraph focus on one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use linking words like 'First of all', 'Secondly', and 'In addition'. This helps. You can also use shorter links like 'First', 'Next', and 'Finally'.
task response
Task response: You asked about membership, schedule, and price, so you covered the task well.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The letter is easy to follow because your ideas are in a clear order.
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