IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many young people regularly change their job over the years. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of youngsters switched their job more frequently than ever before, because of several reasons.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons of
this
Linking Words
 trend and will show my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
to begin
Linking Words
 with,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is more common
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young individuals to
change
Use synonyms
 their work because of advantages. To be more
exactly
Replace the word
exact
, when people want to gain knowledge about
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 experience, they would prefer to
change
Use synonyms
 their jobs. They will continue to switch their workplace until they have been find mutually beneficial company.
For instance
Linking Words
, these days companies do not offer
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 salaries for their employees.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they decided to
change
Use synonyms
 their workplace.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will gain experience and achieve their goals step by step.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
of
Verb problem
there are
show examples
 pros of
this
Linking Words
 occasion, I personally believe that it can affect them negatively. To be specific, whenever young people swap their worksite, they will face challenges
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 finding work stability.
For instance
Linking Words
, as long as individuals
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 their workplace every 3 or 4 years, they will suffer from
the shortage of the
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 salary
, since
Check wording
shortage, since
show examples
 companies will never offer
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 wages for new employees.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some believe
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 more beneficial for individuals to
change
Use synonyms
 their
worksite
Correct your spelling
work environment
, I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 situation can affect
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 negatively, since they will face some challenges during the adapt for new job.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give more clear reasons why young people change jobs. For example, they may want more pay, better hours, a new skill, or a better place to work. Explain each reason with one clear example.
task response
Your view is clear, but the answer needs a fuller look at both sides. Explain the good sides, such as more skills and better pay, and the bad sides, such as no steady work and less trust from new companies. Then clearly say why the bad sides are stronger.
task response
Some examples are not fully clear. For example, you say companies do not offer more pay, but later say new companies will not offer more pay. Make the link clear and use one real or likely example.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. The first body part mixes learning new things, finding a good company, and pay. Split these ideas or explain how they link.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas easier to follow: give the main point, explain it, give an example, and state the result. This will make each part stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Although of pros of this occasion” is not clear. Try simple links such as “However”, “For this reason”, and “As a result” only when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
In the ending, restate your view in clear words. Say that changing jobs can help young people get skills and better pay, but doing it too often may make it hard to have steady work.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give reasons for job change and state that the bad sides are stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “On the one hand”, “For instance”, and “To sum up” help the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • personal fulfillment
  • values
  • fulfilling
  • benefits
  • motivator
  • career advancement
  • skill development
  • climbing the career ladder
  • dynamic work environment
  • adaptability
  • opportunities
  • work-life balance
  • flexibility
  • professional and personal lives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: