IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people around the world are choosing move to live in cities. What problems do people experience in big cities? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller towns?

Currently, most
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 are moving to the main
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as New York in the USA or London in the UK. One of the major reasons is
every
Correct word choice
that every
show examples
 city provides more opportunities than they would receive in the
place
Use synonyms
 where they used to live.
However
Linking Words
, these
people
Use synonyms
 have to face many problems when living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big cities. Three problems will be explained in the following paragraphs.
First,
Linking Words
newcomers may have to experience new cultures
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 might not be suitable for some types of
people
Use synonyms
. To elaborate, different places
also
Linking Words
 mean different cultures. Sometimes cultures vary in terms of language
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 means those
people
Use synonyms
 would have to start learning a new language.
For example
Linking Words
, a US citizen who lives in Japan would have to study that language to use in their daily life.
Second,
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when many
people
Use synonyms
 move to the same
place
Use synonyms
 could lead to overcrowding.
Moreover
Linking Words
, an increasing population in one area can cause serious overcrowding because space is limited
while
Linking Words
 the population is significantly increasing.
For example
Linking Words
, a
place
Use synonyms
 that used to support 100,000
people
Use synonyms
 may later have a population of 200,000, which could result in a crowded situation.
Third,
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 situation could create a high cost of living. The reason is that when many
people
Use synonyms
 gather in one
place
Use synonyms
, demand will
be increases
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
. With supplies that are limited, normal expenditures will increase, causing other products to become more expensive and resulting in a higher cost of living.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 in the same area really need a new phone
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 there are fewer phones being produced, they would have to pay more for the phone.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task. You explain problems well, but you do not answer if the government should help people move to small towns.
coherence and cohesion
Add a short conclusion. A clear end helps your essay feel complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each body paragraph so the main idea is easy to see.
task response
Make examples more direct and real to the question. The phone example is less strong than housing, traffic, or rent.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, as a result, and in conclusion.
task response
You give three clear problems of big city life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan with introduction and body paragraphs.
task response
Most ideas stay on the topic of moving to big cities.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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