IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many parts of the world, traditional methods of production are being replaced by robotic systems and computerized processes. Do you think this is a positive or negative development for cultural preservation?

It is often argued that the rise of automation poses a threat to traditional culture.
However
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, I contend that machinery and digital
technology
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 serve as vital tools for preserving both tangible and intangible cultural heritage. I personally disagree with the notion that modern
technology
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 and tradition are incompatible; in fact, technological advancements have prevented many customs from vanishing entirely. A primary example of
this
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 can be seen in the textile industry, specifically the art of carpet weaving in rural regions of my country. Traditionally,
this
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 craft demanded immense physical stamina, requiring women to
labor
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labour
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 for several hours a day.
Consequently
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, many abandoned the trade
due to
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 the sheer exhaustion involved. The implementation of
computerized
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computerised
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 looms and
mechanized
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mechanised
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 processes has since alleviated
this
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 physical burden. By making the production process more efficient,
technology
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 has actually
revitalized
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revitalised
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 interest in
this
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 craft, ensuring it remains a viable profession for future generations.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 plays a crucial role in linguistic preservation. Many of the world’s endangered languages have been saved from extinction because they are archived in digital databases or recorded using advanced electronic equipment. These recordings and digital publications ensure that even if a language is no longer spoken widely, its phonetic and grammatical structures are preserved for posterity. In conclusion, far from being a threat, robotics and automation are essential allies to traditional culture. By
modernizing
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modernising
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 the methods of production and documentation,
technology
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 ensures that our heritage is not only protected but
also
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 adapted for the modern world.

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task response
For task response, add one short idea about the other side. This can make your answer feel more full and fair.
task response
For task response, use one more clear example from another field, not only cloth and language. This can make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some long lines can be cut into two shorter ones. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, add a few simple link words like 'also' or 'for example' in places where ideas move fast.
task response
For task response, you answer the question clearly and keep the same view from start to end.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are clear and you use good real examples to support them.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main point, so it is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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