IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

There is a statement that if the price of
petrol
Use synonyms
 increases, problems with traffic and pollution will be solved. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 theory because some obstacles in the present world,
such
Linking Words
 as war,
showed
Wrong verb form
have shown
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 that there are many alternatives nowadays. Some people believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that increasing costs of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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petrol
Use synonyms
 may not solve
this
Linking Words
 problem because it would not influence their budget significantly.
However
Linking Words
, the war in the
middle
Fix capitalization
Middle
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 East showed that in the long-term perspective, it works. When the Iranian government blocked an oil transit,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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a majority of countries raised prices on
petrol
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. A great number of people continued using their usual cars, but in a few
weeks
Add a comma
weeks,
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 they started to use alternatives
due to
Linking Words
 enormous car expenses. In the present time, there are so many options for moving around the city or countries without harming envirinment. Not only electric cars or public
transport
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, but
also
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 bicycles and electric scooters.
Due to
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 that, the authorities can increase the
petrol
Use synonyms
 prices with confidence and be sure that citizens are provided with a satisfactory type of
transport
Use synonyms
. Another resolution is to decrease the costs of trams, buses, and trains.
As a result
Linking Words
, it declines
growing
Punctuation problem
, growing
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 traffic jams and pollution problems. A primary example of
that is
Linking Words
 Krakow, where the government introduced free days in public
transport
Use synonyms
, which represented a positive impact on the crowded city.
To sum up
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, I am convinced that
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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 price of
petrol
Use synonyms
 is the best way to deal with the increasing traffic and environmental issues. Especially, when there are
such
Linking Words
 introductions as free days in public
transport
Use synonyms
 and substitutes which help users to change their choices in the easiest way for them.

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task response
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. You say you strongly agree, but one body part also says price may not change people much. Make your main view clear in every part.
task response
Explain why higher petrol price is the best way, not only one way. Compare it more clearly with other ways, such as better buses or rules for cars.
task response
Develop each main idea a bit more. Some points are good, but they need one more line of explanation to show how traffic and air problems go down.
task response
Use examples more carefully. The war example is interesting, but it is not fully clear and may feel too far from the main question. Make the example short and easy to connect to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape, but make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and clearer way. Some lines jump fast from petrol price to war to other transport. Use clear steps so the reader can follow easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not overuse them. Words like however, as a result, and to sum up are helpful when they connect one clear idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and word form. A few unclear phrases make the flow weaker, for example 'problems with traffic and pollution will be solved' sounds too absolute.
task response
You answer the topic and give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You include examples, such as public transport in Krakow, to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to move from one idea to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • discourage
  • incentivize
  • environmentally friendly
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • pollutants
  • alternative energy sources
  • sustainable economy
  • disproportionately affect
  • daily commuting
  • infrastructure
  • urban planning
  • comprehensive solutions
  • public transportation systems
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