IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

in the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Show advantage and disadvantage

With advancement in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology, in the modern
world
Punctuation problem
world,
show examples
 it is possible to shop,
work
Use synonyms
 and communicate with people with the use of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and an individual could live without any
inpersonal
Correct your spelling
interpersonal
 communication with
other
Replace the word
others
.
While
Linking Words
 it has several advantages, it
also
Linking Words
 has disadvantages. One of the major
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is that an individual can
work
Use synonyms
 from home
conviniently
Correct your spelling
conveniently
. With
this
Linking Words
facility
Add a comma
facility,
show examples
 one could save hours of time that
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
are required
show examples
 to commute from
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 and vice versa. An employee could manage
Use synonyms
work life
Correct your spelling
work-life
 balance more significantly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the students studying abroad could connect
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their family and friends over a phone call or video call.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 people to connect globally without extra cost.
Additionally
Linking Words
, technology
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 developed
such
Linking Words
 applications
which helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
that help
show examples
 to shop
anything
Change preposition
for anything
show examples
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
.
For instance
Linking Words
, we could order the traditional
japanese atire
Correct your spelling
Japanese attire
 from Japan without travelling.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it could lead to loneliness. When people do
no
Rephrase
not
show examples
 interact face to face, their relationships may become weaker.
For instance
Linking Words
, an individual who
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 more time online could feel isolated over time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, employees working from home
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 no interactions with collouges could lead to
misunderstanding
Check wording
misunderstandings
show examples
 and may
also
Linking Words
effect the
Verb problem
affect
show examples
 teamwork. Not only that, shopping from
unverified
Correct article usage
an unverified
show examples
 website or application could
results
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in online fraud. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 living without face-to-face interaction is convenient, it can negatively affect social relationships.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a balance between online and real-life communication is important.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your good side is a bit stronger than your bad side.
task response
Add one more clear example for the bad side. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Use words in a more exact way. Some ideas are clear, but some lines are hard to follow because of wrong word use.
coherence and cohesion
Put each main idea in its own clear part. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like also, but, for example, and therefore. Some links are there, but a few sentences still feel rough.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order inside each part. A few lines can be placed in a better order for a smoother flow.
task response
You answer the question and talk about both advantage and disadvantage.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples, such as work from home and online shopping from another country.
coherence and cohesion
The main message is easy to understand in most parts.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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