IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals believe that it is better to educate both genders in
same
Correct article usage
the same
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school
Punctuation problem
school,
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while
Linking Words
 others argue that
boys
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 and
girls
Use synonyms
 should attend separate
schools
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. In my opinion,
although
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 it offers many benefits like a sense of equality, many religious boundaries may not allow
girls
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 to attend mixed
schools
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,
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.
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To begin
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 with, educating
girls
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 and
boys
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 in mixed
schools
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 has many advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it creates a sense of equality among children.
This
Linking Words
 is because every student in a classroom is treated with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 respect and facilities irrespective of their gender.
Thus
Linking Words
, it teaches students unity and sameness.
Moreover
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, students learn to get comfortable around each other.
For instance
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, many young
girls
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 may feel shy to talk to
boys
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 in their classroom. By taking part in group projects together, they learn to communicate effectively with the opposite gender.
On the other hand
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, educating in mixed educational establishments can create some issues. First and foremost, many teenagers may get involved in romantic relationships at a young age.
This
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 may distract them from their studies and can affect their academic performance.
Moreover
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, heartbreaks from
such
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 relationships may cause depression and anxiety among young students.
Secondly
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, many
girls
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 with religious boundaries may not be allowed to attend co-education.
For example
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, many women in Pakistan can not complete their education
due to
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 family restrictions. To sum it up,
although
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 co-education has many benefits
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such
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, such
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 as promoting unity, it
also
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 has many significant drawbacks, which can not be ignored.
Therefore
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, in my
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
, educating
girls
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 and
boys
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 in separate
schools
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 is better.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You wrote about both views, but the side for separate schools needs one more clear good point.
task response
Make your opinion fully clear from start to end. At first, your view is a bit mixed, but the end is clear.
task response
Use more specific examples. The Pakistan example is relevant, but one more real and clear example would help.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they need one more sentence of support or result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan, which is good for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is mostly clear, with words like firstly, moreover, and on the other hand. But some links feel simple and repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could connect more smoothly. For example, the idea about religion could be linked more directly to your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with small grammar and word form issues, because they can make your ideas less easy to follow.
task response
You answered the full question and gave your own opinion.
task response
You discussed both mixed schools and separate schools, so your response is balanced.
task response
Your example about group work helping boys and girls talk is clear and useful.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main focus, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words well in many places.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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