IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is believed that
children
Use synonyms
 growing up in a household with a low budget know better how to face
challenges
Correct article usage
the challenges
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 of adult life in comparison to
children
Use synonyms
 who are raised by parents owning a certain amount of money. I will not oppose
this
Linking Words
 statement because those
children
Use synonyms
 of relatively poor families will already experience similar problems during their childhood and are likely to be raised more independently than
children
Use synonyms
 growing up in a richer environment. It is experience that makes us improve our strategies and expand our horizon
on
Change preposition
in
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 overcoming challenges. If we grow up in a family setting with little money, we are able to learn from a young age how to solve money problems.
Children
Use synonyms
 are given the chance to manage with little and might be forced to be creative.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
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 they learn the skill of
problem solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
 from an incredible young age.
Moreover
Linking Words
, kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are raised in those circumstances are likely to be more independent.
For instance
Linking Words
, my parents both had to go to work because they needed two
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
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 to pay off nortgage. Not only must I take care of myself from a young age
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 I must
also
Linking Words
 face the challenges alone that
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 will only know once they enter adulthood. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 I strongly agree with the given statement. As mentioned above
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 early experience and independent lifestyle of
children
Use synonyms
 growing up in less wealthy households leads to a higher knowledge of how to solve problems that occur in adolescence and later in life.

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task response
Answer the question in a more full way. Say how much you agree, and also show why some rich children may also learn life skills.
task response
Make each main idea bigger. Add one more clear step to explain how low money helps children deal with adult problems.
task response
Use a more clear example. The part about your parents working is useful, but explain how this made you stronger in adult life.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some short parts feel cut off, so use simple words like because, so, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form and word order. A few lines break in the middle, and this makes the flow weaker.
task response
You clearly state your position in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You use a personal example, which helps support your idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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