IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Team/group activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are played alone. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

Playing
Use synonyms
game
Correct article usage
a game
show examples
 is a kind of
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
, which offers fun, good
phyical
Correct your spelling
physical
 and mental health. It is always argued
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 whether
team
Use synonyms
 or self
games
Use synonyms
 are beneficial. I agree with the former statement and will elaborate more with examples in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, the most important advantage of
team
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 is it build cooperation and collaboration
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 the
players
Use synonyms
. To expound, during the time of
game
Use synonyms
 or pratice
team
Use synonyms
 mates listen to each other and
agrees
Correct subject-verb agreement
agree
show examples
 on their decisions. They learn collective bargaining,
for instance
Linking Words
, during
Use synonyms
game
Correct article usage
a game
show examples
 if
players
Use synonyms
 do not agree with each other's opinion, where they come to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 point and
meet with
Verb problem
reach a
show examples
 common agreement.
Although
Linking Words
,
Correct word order
in a one-person game, in
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one
person
Check wording
apply
show examples
game
Use synonyms
 can easily use
own
Correct determiner usage
their own
show examples
 strategies and make
own
Correct determiner usage
their own
show examples
 decisions independently.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 teaches them
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 how
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 certain situations, they have to cooperate and collaborate with the opposite
team
Use synonyms
 or
team
Use synonyms
 member. To
solidfy
Correct your spelling
solidify
 my argument, group
games
Use synonyms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to develop discipline. To elaborate,
team
Use synonyms
 members ought to play under certain
boundries
Correct your spelling
boundaries
, where they have to follow the instructions given by
leader
Correct article usage
the leader
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have to follow the rules and decisions made by
leader
Correct article usage
the leader
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they learn how to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 seniors and juniors with respect and dignity. On the flip side, in independent
games
Use synonyms
 player do not have to follow anyone's decision or directions to play the
game
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is usually seen that
players
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
in sports such
show examples
 as cricket or football
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 are very calm and
compose
Wrong verb form
composed
show examples
 during
Use synonyms
game
Correct article usage
the game
show examples
 or after
Use synonyms
game
Correct article usage
the game
show examples
, because they let their leader
to led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 on everything.
Hence
Linking Words
, aforemention reason vividly explains how group activities build
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of discipline
amoung
Correct your spelling
among the
team
Use synonyms
. To recapitulate,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 has always sparked debate on the topic whether group or
alone
Correct word choice
solo
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial. In my opinion,
team
Use synonyms
game
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 have more opportunity to learn social
as well as
Linking Words
game
Use synonyms
 skills
such
Linking Words
 as collaboration, discipline and cooperation.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how far you agree, and keep this clear in all parts.
task response
Add one or two clear real life examples. Your examples now are general and not very specific.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Tell how team games teach life skills and why these skills matter in life.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and cleaner way. Some sentences are long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few ideas repeat, such as cooperation and collaboration, so make each paragraph do one main job.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph plan: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The main ideas are relevant to the topic, especially teamwork and discipline.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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