IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

men and women employed in full time jobs should share the responsibility of households chore .do you agree or disagree ? share relevant personal experiences.

In recent years, there has been increasing discussion about employed
male
Check wording
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
full time
Correct your spelling
full-time
 jobs that they should have equality in
responsbilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 of household tasks.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that it is crucial for men to do half of the
work
Use synonyms
 in the
house
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
, others argue that it is not fair. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint.
This
Linking Words
 is because the wives do more
efforts
Check wording
work
show examples
 than husbands and they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 get paid for that
work
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is that mothers already do more
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 in their
houses
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means that the wife can be pregnant, give birth, and brestfeeding and all these tasks are important
while
Linking Words
 the father can not share the pain or reduce it.
For example
Linking Words
, I was exhausted
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 working for eight hours daily
while
Linking Words
 I was pregnant and when I arrived home
my
Punctuation problem
, my
show examples
 husband
to share
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
 the
responsbilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 of the
house
Use synonyms
 with me so I
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 get some rest.
Therefore
Linking Words
, equality in household
chore
Check wording
chores
show examples
 is important.
Secondly
Linking Words
, another important reason is that
women
Use synonyms
 do free
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 in their
Use synonyms
houses
Check wording
homes
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 tend to do
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home beside the main job
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can not earn money for doing
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
 home tasks.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the female
invest
Correct subject-verb agreement
invests
show examples
 her time in another
work
Use synonyms
 outside the
house
Use synonyms
, she
definatly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 will earn extra money
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 she
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to clean and cook in the
house
Use synonyms
 for free
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is not fair for her to take all the
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
.
As a result
Linking Words
, equality with men
is needed
Verb problem
needs
show examples
 to be
aoolied
Correct your spelling
achieved
 in
houses
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 should share the
berdon
Correct your spelling
burden
 of the household.
This
Linking Words
 is because
women
Use synonyms
 already do more
work
Use synonyms
of
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 men in the
Use synonyms
houses
Check wording
house
show examples
 and
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 do it for free.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. Say clearly why both men and women should share home work when both have full time jobs.
task response
Make your main idea very clear in each body part. Start with one clear point, then explain it, then give one example.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and easy to follow. Your personal example is good, but explain it more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a smoother order. Some sentences are hard to follow because the links are weak.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence is complete. A few parts are missing words, so the meaning is not always clear.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
You include a personal example, which helps support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like firstly, secondly, for example, and therefore.
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