IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In various parts of the globe, people living in rural areas are moving to urban
.
Check wording
areas.
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 From my perspective,
although
Linking Words
 the declining
population
Use synonyms
 in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 has a few advantages, the
overall
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 long-term
development
Use synonyms
 is negative. Regarding the trend of decreasing rural
population
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, there might be some advantages for both
individuals
Use synonyms
 and society.
To begin
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 with, migration to urban areas allows
individuals
Use synonyms
 to access better job opportunities, which may be more likely to lead to high-paid jobs, enhancing the quality of life.
For example
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, in 2000, with the high speed of Chinese
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
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, the construction industry was quickly developing, which
leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 to a huge demand for workers.
Therefore
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, compared with rural
area
Check wording
areas
show examples
, finding
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 for workers in cities might be easier.
In addition
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, the decline of
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
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population
Use synonyms
 may reduce farming intensity and allow farmland to regenerate, since the demand for agricultural production and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 pressure decrease at the same time. It is true that moving to urban areas for
high salary
Correct your spelling
high-salary
 jobs can allow
individuals
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 to improve their quality of life.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 migration may result in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 shortage of workforce in the
countryside
Use synonyms
, leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 downward trend
of
Change preposition
in
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 agricultural production. As many young people leave
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
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 sector for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better working and living
environment
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environments
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, fewer workers remain in the
countryside
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.
Consequently
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, agricultural activities may decrease, causing lower farming production, which may result in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 shortage of
national
Correct article usage
the national
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 food supply. In terms of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, with rural consumers moving to
city
Correct article usage
the city
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, the consumption in
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 will definitely decrease. It is quite common to see the closed shops, restaurants, uncrowded amusements and unfinished buildings,
due to
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 the fewer consumers and low consumer spending power, causing weak consumer demand
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 influence on long-term economic
development
Use synonyms
. All of these
backwards
Replace the word
backwardnesses
 may largely cause a significant imbalance in economic
development
Use synonyms
 between urban and rural regions. In conclusion, the decreasing rural
population
Use synonyms
 has some benefits for
individuals
Use synonyms
 and society,
such
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 as improving the quality of daily life and protecting
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Nevertheless
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, the shortage of workforce, fewer consumers and other problems may lead to negative impacts on both people's livelihood and
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 economy, which are more severe than
advantanges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 in long-term
development
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more direct in each body part. This helps the reader follow your point more easily.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer linking words between some ideas. At times, the jump from one idea to the next is a bit fast.
task achievement
Add one more clear example for your negative side. This will make your answer stronger and more complete.
task achievement
Explain some ideas more fully, such as how less farming can affect the whole country.
coherence cohesion
Check small word forms and phrases like 'moving to urban' and 'which leads' because they can make meaning less clear.
task achievement
You answer the question clearly and give your opinion from the start.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You discuss both sides before showing why one side is stronger.
task achievement
You use a real-world example about China, which helps support your idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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