IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In several nations,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is essential to invest
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 amount of money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 building new
railway
Use synonyms
 tracks for faster trains between cities
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, others believe that the same amount should rather be spent on developing existing public transportation.
This
Linking Words
 essay talks about both views, and explains my personal opinion on why
monies
Check wording
money
show examples
 should be spent to
contruct
Correct your spelling
construct
 new
railway
Use synonyms
 lines
instead
Linking Words
 of improving existing facilities. By spending a huge sum of money on new
railway
Use synonyms
 lines, new routes would be formed.
People
Use synonyms
 living in
far off
Correct your spelling
far-off
 suburbs
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 would now be able to use public transport. Office workers, labourers and students
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 often travel via car to the city from
distanced
Correct word choice
distant
show examples
 towns
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 would be able to save their time and energy which was earlier being spent on driving.
This
Linking Words
 would
also
Linking Words
 help many
people
Use synonyms
 to
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 on fuel and save on natural resources.
People
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 think that money should
instead
Linking Words
 be spent on improving existing public transport facilities
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 expanding the size of trains to
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 more seats for passengers and to
facilitiate
Correct your spelling
facilitate
 proper air conditioning facilities during hot summer days, allowing more passengers to travel with ease. New improvements could
also
Linking Words
 include accessible platforms and seats for
people
Use synonyms
 with disabilities, making it non-problematic for them to travel. In conclusion, investing
to build
Change preposition
in building
show examples
 new
railway
Use synonyms
 tracks
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more viable as it allows more consumers to have access to trains
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live far away from the city than
improvising
Verb problem
improving
show examples
 existing transportation
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 would only limit the same passengers to have more ease of accessibility.

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task response
Write a clearer answer to both sides. Give equal time to each view before your own opinion.
task response
Explain your opinion more fully. Now your view is clear, but the reason is short and not fully built.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make some topic sentences more direct, so each paragraph has one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel long or hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and grammar, because small errors can make the flow weaker.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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