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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

Students
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 in almost every primary and secondary
school
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nowasdays
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nowadays
 enjoy summer
holidays
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 for two
month
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months
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, or even more.
School
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holidays
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 are valuable for
children
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;
however
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, they are likely to be negative as well.
School
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holidays
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 are
benificial
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beneficial
 for both
students
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' mental health and the management of their personal
life
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lives
show examples
.
Students
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 are extremely stressed at
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schools
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school
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due to
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 assignments, exams, or peer pressure. During long
school
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holidays
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, they can escape from stressful and unpleasant environments and take a rest at home.
Moreover
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,
students
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usaully
Correct your spelling
usually
 stay at
schools
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 to study for more than half a day, resulting in the
reduce
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reduction
 of family time
,
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.
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 When summer
holidays
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 come,
children
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 can be released from
schools
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 and return to their families to enjoy trips or simply being together.
Therefore
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, it is important and meaningful for
students
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 to have long
school
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holidays
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.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 arguments in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of shorter
holidays
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. Many people believe that
children
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 and teenagers would spend most of
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holidays
Correct determiner usage
their holidays
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 playing and idling,
instead
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 of studying or engaging in personal growth.
School
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holidays
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,
hence
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, should be shorter to ensure
students
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to
Wrong verb form
apply
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have more time to study at
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schools
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school
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.
Furthermore
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, there are more and more parents both working and earning money for
famlies
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families
, so they do not have much time to take care of
children
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 at home.
As a result
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, if
school
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holidays
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 are too long, the problem of looking after kids at home will bother a lot of families. In brief, for reasons like academic performance and caring, some consider that
school
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holiday
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holidays
show examples
 should not be too long. In my opinion,
school
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holidays
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 have their value and benefits. On the other
side
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hand
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,
over
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apply
show examples
long
school
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holidays
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 can cause troubles and negative effects on
students
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. There should be a moderate policy for the length of
school
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holidays
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 to balance positive and negative effects.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You give good main ideas, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Add one clear example for each body paragraph. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Your opinion is clear at the end, but state it more clearly in the introduction too.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part structure, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, like 'On the other hand' and 'Therefore', but a few sentences are not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point a little more. Some ideas stop too soon.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs with an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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