In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, individuals are investing considerable finance on their
appearance
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,
due to
Linking Words
the preference of younger
appearance
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. The reasons are various,
result
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resulting
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in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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and thinking style. From my perspective, it is a negative development. One major reason is that society places a great emphasis on youthful
appearance
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.
People
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are
Verb problem
apply
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often take care of other
people
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's first impression, which always depends on how young and attractive they look, creating pressure on maintaining
youthful
Correct article usage
a youthful
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image. Another reason is the influence of social media. As willing to attract
people
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's attention, influencers often produce short videos with an ideal look, leading audiences to compare themselves with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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and feel dissatisfied with their own
appearance
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.
Furthermore
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, the career
prospective
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perspective
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is another reason. Some job opportunities are highly related to employees'
appearance
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.
For instance
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,
receptionist
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receptionists
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,
actor, model
Correct word order
actors, models,
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and other careers
,
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apply
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which need to face
camera
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a camera
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or consumers are more likely to access better job opportunities. Meanwhile, a
youner
Correct your spelling
younger
appearance
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always means energetic and competitive, encouraging
people
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to invest
their
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in their
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appearance
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. It is true that
this
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phenomenon has some benefits. It will promote the development of related domains,
such
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as
cosmetics
Correct article usage
the cosmetics
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and clothing industry, providing more job opportunities for individuals.
Besides
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, it can stimulate consumption
,
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apply
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by motivating
individuals'
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individuals to
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consume on their
appearance
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However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
trend has been seen as largely negative.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You explain why people do this, but your view on why it is bad is too short.
coherence and cohesion
Add a real ending. Your last line is too short, so the essay feels unfinished.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each body part. This helps the reader follow your main idea.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples, especially for why this is a negative change.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, and however, but check grammar in each sentence.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
task response
Your first body part has several reasons, such as social media and jobs.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, which helps order.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show both sides before your final view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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