IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Full-
time
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students
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 should spend
time
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 on their
studies
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 a lot, but
also
Linking Words
 attend
in
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apply
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other
activities
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. I partially agree with that statement, but
students
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 do not have to allocate a lot of
time
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on
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to
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 their
studies
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. Nowadays, most
students
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study
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 in order to apply
for
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to
show examples
 universities. Concentrating only on
studies
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have
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has
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 detrimental effects on people, especially for
students
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. It can lead to stress, burnout and fatigue. Even if they
study
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particular
Correct article usage
a particular
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 thing for some amount of
time
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, they show boring feelings to the area of the subject that they are studying.
Additionally
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,
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
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5
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of 5
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hours of
study
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time
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 can make observers feel dizzy.
As a result
Linking Words
, the productivity and efficiency of their learning plummets drastically.
On the other hand
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, with
to
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too
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 much pressure, they can't participate in
activities
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 at all. The key reason for
this
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 issue can be only
time
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 management. Most
students
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 do not
created
Wrong verb form
create
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 a schedule or a plan for their whole day. They have to establish a limit and
deadline
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a deadline
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on
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for
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 each
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activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
. Every
minutes
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minute
show examples
 should be calculated and spent wisely. As long as they shorten their
study
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time
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, they can
definetaly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 pay attention to
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as art, PE and other
sport
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sports
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 clubs. Basically, if
students
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 attend
in
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apply
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those
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
, they build
a
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apply
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solid networking.
In other words
Linking Words
, they are likely to build a friendship with other like-minded teenagers. Actually, hanging out with friends helps to relieve stress, which helps youth to refresh their
mind
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minds
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 and gain appropriate knowledge in their
session
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sessions
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.
For example
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, in Japan, the government encourages
students
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 to
attend
Verb problem
participate
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 in collaborative
activities
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.
Although
Linking Words
 their curricular system is complicated, they try to be proactive in order to improve productivity In conclusion, with a correct
time
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 allocation,
students
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 will achieve
breakthrough
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breakthroughs
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 in
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
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both
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studies
Correct determiner usage
their studies
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 and social life. Unless the
study
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time
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 is
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
decreased, learners can't make progress.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but later you sound close to full agreement.
task response
Answer all parts of the question in a balanced way. Write more about why study time is still important, not only why other activities matter.
task response
Use one clear main idea in each body part, then explain it well.
task response
Give more direct and real support for your ideas. Some points are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check how you use link words. Some are not natural, like 'On the other hand' in that place.
task response
You clearly discuss both study and other activities.
task response
You give a real country example, which helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow a basic order, so the reader can follow your meaning.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • reduce stress
  • burnout
  • life skills
  • leadership
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • communication skills
  • personal growth
  • professional growth
  • networking opportunities
  • career opportunities
  • personal development
  • enhanced learning experience
  • practical involvement
  • academic learning
  • real-world experience
  • holistic development
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • cognitive growth
  • well-rounded individuals
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